Nevermind

Here are the facts

In digestible bits

Your fences are guarded

As you run to home plate

Mannequin machine guns

Tilted in hand

You love watching

As people chant your name

But the risk of

Skinning a knee

(Arteries coming straight from the heart)

Is too great

So you

“Who’s on First”

Until no one knows their own name

But all the laughs get back to you

Praised for a good game

Jukebox after party

You don’t want it all to be the same

Being confined in small places

Was never your schtick

So you wander

And browse

Still carrying chains to what you consider safe

You leave doors open

Just in case

Seeing eyes that dazzle

Curiosity in mind

You start to wonder

Wander

Forget who’s in charge

Quickly you accelerate

And slam on the brakes

Because no one is going to tell you

Or have you

Or want you

That’s what it is

The voice in your head

You know

The asshole

The voice in your heart

Saying this can’t be right

They want something more

When in reality

She sees undefined shapes

In the sound of your voice

That remind her of a desert

That revealed cloudy stars

It’s the certainty you muster

It’s the charismatic charm

That gets her every time

But eventually you remind her

Of her own voice deep inside

Saying “they’ll never be mine”

So like two opposing magnets

You rip apart time

Avoiding something

That could have been

Should have been

Maybe

But could have been

Absolutely

It wasn’t an excuse

Money was never in mind

Just time with you

But I guess

Nevermind

Advertisements

Tectonic Plates

I handed you a doll

She started to unravel

She was mine

Twenty years ago

Or so

I remember us making plans

For far off destinations

Funny how we think we have a say

As life turns us into strangers

Because “lifetimes ago”s

Were different places

Filled with secret gardens

And ways to escape

I dream of hollowed out stair cases

Loose bricks in the wall

A plan to get out

Without ever looking back

But the palace in the sky

Was just another mirage

There’s no love

No calling

No great design

This rock keeps spinning

My feet sewn to its

Ever-moving tectonic plates

Nothing more

Nothing less

I jump when I’m told

Far Off Galaxy

Needing more protection

I covered my back with broken branches

I woke up at night

Became one with the moon

I swam in the Milky Way

I breathed in too soon

Broke into a million pieces

Collided with the sun

I called you back over

You wanted to come

But didn’t know how to love me

When the daylight brought doom

I took over a far off galaxy

Broke into shapes of darkness

That fit only what they themselves defined

I woke up

Your arm around my resting head

It felt like summer

And smelled like rain

I saw a dandelion open

From inside

That’s how I knew

You Know

Sleep with both eyes open

One is never enough

It feels good to know I’m prettier

And you would agree

I think about breakfast

In a barefoot kitchen

Knowing it will never be that way

But it could’ve been

If you would’ve let perfection

Straddle your cause

Instead you chase silicone

In the shape of a doll-like mold

You know lips never fit

Like mine

You can search the rest of your life

While I play hard to get

With all the wrong boys

Because being a tease

Is better than being nothing at all

I climbed to the top of the tower

Only to be sent home

But those flames

Shot into the sky

As I walked away

Letting it burn

Was my therapy

Breathing in the ashes

Of every person who thought I was nothing

As I walked across a stage

Knowing my accomplishments

Were more than you had ever dreamed

Drink it in baby

Ivory skin

Sun kissed cheeks

I’d hold you forever

If you believed we wouldn’t break

Nothing but a ghost again

I’ll wait patiently

Passing the time

With “whatever”s

And “never again”s

I hold on to the certainty of seeing

You

Again

But knowing

Some unmentionable

In a fashionable top

Will get stuck

With life

Half yours

I’ve seen it before

I’ve felt how it tore

You anchor yourself to your misery

And remember

How I tried to set you free

No one ever loved you

Like me

Millstone

Thoughts carry over

Subconscious tendencies

Flow without trepidation

Despite the harrowing journey

They surely bestow

Pervasive in nature

Walking along cliffs

Alone

Letting a dark character be a guide

Into empty caverns

But how eyes do glow

From the moon’s reflection

Seen in the rippling tide

Gently visiting

Only to bewitch

A forlorn heart

As it falls into fingers sweeping back hair

Lips grazing along an ivory curved neck

No warning

Except whispers from the past

As arms are tied behind the back

An anchor secured

Cinched to the waist

All love is gone

In shark like eyes

As a logical mind

Scrambles to find a reason why

Pleading while oars make little noise

Drowned out by the violence

Of land meeting an abrupt end against the sea

The deeper

More quiet tide

Lends to an evil silence

Smothering out the last thirst for desire

As it becomes clear how this is going to end

Forced to face actions

Brought about by hands thought to be the ones to protect

The water is stabbing

Until it feels like nothing at all

The necessity for oxygen takes over every other need

As legs

Motionless

Kick

And arms

Restrained

Flail

A sad surrender

Watered down tears add ounces to the sea

A lone beating heart

Keeps blood in the head

As water parts

Making way for an intruder

A rescuer

Who was the persecutor

What could this mean

A millstone removed

Rushed to the surface

Gasping for life

Air returns

Emotionless savior

Safely returning to a cave

Where a fire burns

And words are never exchanged

The feeling of being rescued by your captor

The only love I’ve ever named

Enough

“I didn’t know how to do it”

That’s what I’ll say

When you ask how you turned out that way

I walked on my hands

I carried you through high tide

In the end

It wasn’t enough to make up for everything

I didn’t have to give

I tried

Over and over

And over And

Over again

I honestly didn’t know what all I did wrong

I could mention excuses

But I know people block those out

As the bottom line is all

We use to define

Who we are

Our success

And our great great fall

In this moment I feel weak

I feel broken

Entirely incomplete

But please

In the bottom of your still growing heart

Know every thought found it’s way to you

Knowing how much more I should be

In each shaky step I couldn’t complete

I loved you

I wanted you

In theory

I meant to be enough

Unplanned Response

I loved the way

You were supposed to be

I don’t think

I ever loved you

But you reminded me

Of a man

In a kitchen

Who hated me

With his eyes

Because sometimes

Victims become evil too

It’s how it never ends

Because how can you help a demon

When all they want to do

Is destroy you

I – I – I

Leads to depression

But I swear to God

Every time

I

stand up

His fists come smashing down

Like a resentful father

Who wishes his sins

Hadn’t brought me this far down

Disgusted by failure

I feel the world’s shoulders turn

Then I feel tiny eyes watching

An unplanned response

That displays grace and poise

Because that’s what women do

You say this game is on a level playing field

While watching me high from above

I don’t know why things happen

But I know why we start wars

It’s not love, wisdom, and compassion

It’s lust, ignorance, and complete disregard

Because YOU think

You’re the only one

Portrait

Kicking at dirt

Only makes

A storm

Until it settles

Leaving the unseen

To be revealed

Someday

It will settle on you

Your reflection will be different than you expected

Good or bad

That’s what we we’ve always

Perceived

A kiss on both cheeks

Sending you on your way

We’ll not see each other for a while

Maybe never again

But never has the possibility of being broken

Just like forever

In a more optimistic way

Which has never been my chosen habitat

But when it comes to you

I always tend to smile

Even in the morning

When your eyes have frozen over

I don’t believe in frozen veins

Just a choice to disconnect

Often caused by a disappointment

Deeper than mutual like

Because the hardest love to find

Is an acceptance of self

Maybe someday

You’ll let me show you

All the ways you’ve lit up my thoughts

When the night turns to dust

And feet start to stomp

The powder will settle

Your truest portrait

Will be revealed

The grains of my flesh

Will be the stroke of the brush

As your canvas takes shape

You’ve never seen yourself

This way

Every Time

It’s interesting to see blindness

To feel a cruel cold

Once a fall has been experienced

It’s easy to be pushed off the edge

Because the second time

Is a fluke

The third is suspicious

The fourth is no fault but your own

It’s true

After being injured

You start to walk with a most cautious step

As villains continue to push you into oncoming traffic

You become untrusting

Even if that stranger comes with helping hands

The mind starts to question logical thoughts

As doubters and dotted lines create crime scenes

You never created

As hope fades

So does motivation

And here you lie

With broken appendages

And even more concerning

Broken spirits

I’ve seen you rise

You will again

But to what demise

Maybe it’s time to step off that ride

That never ending carousel

To breathe in

One molecule at a time

The clarity in this moment

Is something most people will never find

As they live their perfect lives

In their perfect homes

With their perfect love

I’d choose you

Every fucking time

All of Us

We

Have to figure something out

Stop shrugging it off

It’s not about choices

It’s about reality

Human condition

We belong to each other

All of us

To protect

And lift up

But

We get caught up

In the direction of fingers

Saying it’d be better if they just jumped

Sometimes we believe it

If not one person

Is sitting in a chair

Next to

A broken hearted stare

Then why even be there

There are responsibilities

Accomplishments

Civic duties

But even friends walk away

Sometimes it’s hard to face another day

We must be present

For moments like this

We must be present

For people who are propped up along the edge

No matter how many times

It’s not their fault

I am screaming at you

It’s not their fault

That’s all that can be said

But when their bloated broken bodies

Wash up on shore

I don’t care how far away you are

Their now purposeless blood

Is on your hands

I’m talking to you