Calcification

You misunderstand me

Assuming who you met

Is the same person I am

Forgetting growth

And calcification of bones

I let my heart pump freely

Back then

An education was had

From February to February 

I learned not to swoon

Not to feel 

Not to look into eyes

Not to count on hands and fingers

Not to open up

Inside

You accuse me of trying to make you feel

That’s not a war I’ve waged

Sometimes your heart feels like a stranger 

And sometimes it wants what you don’t

But I won’t nuzzle into bed sheets

That carry someone else’s name

And I won’t force kisses in the crook of my neck that aren’t placed there out of a desire for my name

Sometimes you whisper the shape of my face 

When I stand far away

My nose begins to twitch 

Sensing your curiosity about what could possibly be

You’ll cast me away

Maybe call in a month

But as much as we try 

Some of us leave prints 

We have to live with the fact

It 

Could have 

Been more

More like the movies

With mom and dad

Sleeping inside

Rounded edges

Lace curtains behind the blinds

Combed back hair 

Bacon and eggs

We dice up

And fold up 

And forget what’s inside

I’ve learned 

Dreaming in America

Is random firings of an already deceased mind

Our path has been forged

Following preset paths on an assembly line

My father’s a drunk

My mother is paranoid

I’m the best I’ll ever be

It will never be what diamonds seek to find

Your thoughts are unfounded

I don’t ask for the sky

Just don’t look through me 

When I’m sitting by your side

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