Sissy

Bubble gum

Pop pop

Long hair

Don’t care

Making people

Out of putty

No time

To get muddy

Move on

Skate on

Cartwheel in the living room

Spun spun sugar

Sneakers in a knot

You’ve got something honey

We can make it without money

No need to say

You’re sorry

I heard you in the living room

Singing without worry

I know love Is true

When you bring me honeydew

Watermelon seeds

In a pile

Make up for

That extra mile

If I had a best friend

I’d pick you

Love is a girl

And she’s mine

Even in the summertime

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The Gift

There is unexplained hope in every broken promise

Survival of the optimistic pessimist

Where envy meets admiration

Where rationality surrenders to surrealism

Achievable only in total desolation

Given as a gift

Wrapped in carefully folded black matte paper

Brilliantly multi-colored metallic Confetti filled inside

That doesn’t spring out when revealed

Rather carefully reveals itself

Falling to the ground

One color changing piece at a time

Until a pile of joyful surprise sits in its useless state

Bringing unexplained happiness to a neutral colored face

Because once the dismal is lived through

The sweetness is taken in one granulated piece at a time

Never to be overly pronounced or exaggerated

Simply taken in from a slow absorption

Cautiously letting the bad be neutralized

Knowing darkness springs from nowhere

And is much harder to tame

Rationing the kindness

In a silo

For when winter inevitably returns

Because just as surely as the summer

Comes fall

But just as surely as the winter

Comes spring

In all things

Find peace

Resolution

The mind is a dirty bastard

Working against itself

It seems

Picking up pebbles of doubt

Planted by self assured narcissists

Blindly running off cliffs

Claiming the high dive is what they were trying to achieve

My voice is muffled

Until it bleeds

Crying out for acknowledgment

From a society busy posting selfies

#trueself #betterself #bewhoyouwanttobe

With thigh gaps

And balancing knee caps

Superficiality is king

I want to solve problems

Make my cardboard world better

But it feels

Like

I’ve never been seen

Maybe that’s how it starts

A disappearance of self

An acknowledgment of a flawed whole

This year is for improvement

And confidence

Not in appearance

But in power

In actions

In measurable goals

Being achieved

Blood Flow

If you let me

I’d sink these metal anchors

Branching off my broken wings

Into your tensed up shoulder blades

Until those hollowed out veins filled with the

Excess from my arteries

Already processed by the palpitations

Of a failing heart

Collapsing hard

Relinquishing the right

To brace before the fall

Wanting to feel the impact

Of utter helplessness

Of a release into oblivion

Where nothing moves

Or changes

Or exists

That sudden return to reality

Finding bloody daggers

Removed from your skin

Cuts that will heal without a trace

Except where the metal is fused to my skeleton

Never to be released from the remnants of your DNA that seeped into my carefully seared incisions

I’ll repeat these actions

Until my metal finds your bones and won’t be released

Love Song

I fell in love with a song today

Bought every word that stranger sang

Didn’t matter my hair was a mess

My crinkled smile was the best

No pressure to be what he wanted

No high or low expectations to meet

Just a hook with a hell of a beat

I couldn’t stop tapping my feet

Not putting on a show

My heart just couldn’t say “no”

Until the song stopped

I played it again

Memorized the vowels

The broken down sounds

The syllables split

So that bass could hit

This is my kind of love

Straight from above

Stuck in my head

Sweeter words have never been heard

I don’t want to know the man

He’d be a disappointment from limb to limb

I want him to live in this album

Through vibrations

Careful calibrations

Let me Dance the night away

Couldn’t keep my feelings at bay

Sunday Morning

Beginning in the morning after coffee

Brown sugar dissolving into oatmeal

Apples cut for crunch

Impatience on the counter

Keeping hands away from hot metal

Snapping bacon

Steam from the mug

Calmed by the milk

Chocolate flavoring to reward for a week well fought

Eagerness in the excitement of a feast

Made once a week

In honor of who we are

What we’ve accomplished

Cuddle in the softness until the table is set

Small in a big way

It never tasted so good

Until you were here

No need for sprinkles

Only a dash of cinnamon

Vanilla to taste

Eggs are for strength

You’ll push aside half of it

Today I’ll let that slide

If you remember anything

Remember what Sunday morning tasted like

The texture of my Love

Mine

One day I woke up

Saw what I had

Realized it was broken

Got out a hammer and nails

Accepted the paint on my sleeves

Sweat on my brow

Dirt between uneven fingers

I smiled when it hurt

I forgave myself

Still unsure if it was deserved

Not being perfect

I listened to demands coming from little mouths

Decided what was reasonable and what was code for something more

I created determination

From a speck of courage

That had fallen into a spot of pride

I skipped a few steps

But this family is mine

Weakness

I’ve been hemorrhaging

Faking color in my cheeks

Told it was uncomely to be so weak

Ironic because I’ve also been climbing up the summit

At a grueling pace

On my own

Two children clinging to my back

Yet weakness is seen in not always being happy

Experiencing all emotions

Even despair

You gasp at the thought

If being around such depression disgusts you

You don’t deserve my joy

Because when I see the sun

I magnify it’s glow

Knocked off my wooden ladder

I’m piecing it together rung by rung

When I get to the top

These mountains will sing

I’m not waiting for a hand to pull me up

Or ears to hear me cry

I see my downfalls

I feel my victories

I’m just trying to understand how I can feel so separated from ever human being

Not understanding how you could be so unabashedly mean

So unapologetically unfeeling

So callously cold

We have given our emotions to machines

Looking for instant gratification

Effort is a dirty word used for pathetic attachment

I refuse to buy into these lies

To lessen myself to only just comply

My worth has been shaken

But my will shall not break

I will love like the ocean

Receding when the tides pull me back

But always returning with an abundance of life

All I’ve ever wanted is someone to dance with me after the day has run out

I’ll be here each night in the dark

Dancing on my own

Campfire to keep me warm

Maybe one day you will look up

Come out of your self absorbed trance

Join me for a song

I’ll show you how to keep rhythm

You can tell me how to stay in step

Sad Song

I fell in love with an idea before I knew what it meant

When I caught a glimpse of it

It nearly destroyed me

I think of rain

On cracked asphalt

That smells like the sea

On newly trimmed grass

I taste the oysters dissolving on my tongue

I was there

With a ghost of you

My own death flashing before my eyes

Justice can never be served

To what was

In the curves of drenched eyelashes

I aged a decade in a week

In a city filled with Golden history

Sometimes I hear that song

I played while mourning for you

I feel myself come alive

Because losing you

Forced me to welcome back a piece of me that had died

A piece of me I left in the basement

Drawn on the drywall

Before being textured then painted

Never to be known

Until I stopped relying on curved shoulders

To carry me home

I’ve loved so many times

But only a few

Come to mind

You are one of the three

And my tongue sings with a taste of you now

Bitter in places

But I’ve let you go

The remnants of what was

Will be a white scar

On the lining of my rib cage

Pulsing to all of the sad songs

You told me to leave behind

I love remembering you when I cross a bridge

It reminds me how close I was

And that I’m still alive

Perfectly

Life was perfect

You completed your mediocre education at a not quite Ivy League

Married your semi-sweet half-hearted sweetheart

Had two perfectly spaced children

One adrenaline rich boy and one meek and mild girl

Lived a perfect Instagram framed life

In a perfect white washed house

You felt like something was missing

This is what you missed

The brokenness that inspires everything human

Heavenly or not

Nothing comes out of a “perfect” plan

Perfectly followed

Out of obligation

To a preordained way of life

That’s why they want to smother us out

The enlightened

The beaten

The comeback kids

The trailblazers exploring new ways

Making the earth change shapes

As we disturb the flow of time and space

Knowing the person we are proud to be

Came from being pushed around by all the people who did it “right”

Don’t plan on disaster

But realize tsunamis give little warning

Don’t build on broken pieces

But be aware that bridges built don’t last forever

Don’t refuse to ever feel again

Because the love you’ll find after being broken

Is mightier than all of the hurt you’ve ever known

If you let it be