Enough

“I didn’t know how to do it”

That’s what I’ll say

When you ask how you turned out that way

I walked on my hands

I carried you through high tide

In the end

It wasn’t enough to make up for everything

I didn’t have to give

I tried

Over and over

And over And

Over again

I honestly didn’t know what all I did wrong

I could mention excuses

But I know people block those out

As the bottom line is all

We use to define

Who we are

Our success

And our great great fall

In this moment I feel weak

I feel broken

Entirely incomplete

But please

In the bottom of your still growing heart

Know every thought found it’s way to you

Knowing how much more I should be

In each shaky step I couldn’t complete

I loved you

I wanted you

In theory

I meant to be enough

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Looking Up

Looking up

To find inspiration

In the way you dance

Because I taught you that joy

I gave you something

That will carry you

When the world stops caring

It’s hard to talk about

The most delicate things

The parts that make up a home

With missing pieces

But I see the universe

In your contemplative eyes

Gives me hope

Makes me want to create a future

Despite the obstacles

Created by the past

Ignorance of intolerant minds

Dissipates

When you smile

As if nothing has ever been wrong

In a Beautiful world

Let us all

Follow a child

As they see what could be

Because we have forgotten

As the corruption anchors

From the inside

I want to hold on to you

Until you carry me home

Because it’s not me baby girl

You will be the one

To change how we see everything

When It Hurts

This burst of energy

Crashed into my life

It almost killed me

More than one time

It also saved me

Mind body and soul

I’m selfish

Problem is

Knowledge

Brings

Wisdom

But it doesn’t change who you are

Confronting an inability

To wrap myself with pain

I collapsed

In the middle of a bridge

Only to be lifted

By the sweetest thought

Of you

Trusting eyes

Waiting to find home

Needing me to bring you there

A shell was built between you and I

Love only just started to melt that barrier

It made my chest cavity permanently hinged

To yours

With golden lining

I’ll love you when it hurts

I’ll hold you when you cry

I’ll feel every speck of dirt that goes into your lovely little eyes

I’ve got you

You’ve got me

I’ll be your mountain

You be my spring

Sissy

Bubble gum

Pop pop

Long hair

Don’t care

Making people

Out of putty

No time

To get muddy

Move on

Skate on

Cartwheel in the living room

Spun spun sugar

Sneakers in a knot

You’ve got something honey

We can make it without money

No need to say

You’re sorry

I heard you in the living room

Singing without worry

I know love Is true

When you bring me honeydew

Watermelon seeds

In a pile

Make up for

That extra mile

If I had a best friend

I’d pick you

Love is a girl

And she’s mine

Even in the summertime

Sunday Morning

Beginning in the morning after coffee

Brown sugar dissolving into oatmeal

Apples cut for crunch

Impatience on the counter

Keeping hands away from hot metal

Snapping bacon

Steam from the mug

Calmed by the milk

Chocolate flavoring to reward for a week well fought

Eagerness in the excitement of a feast

Made once a week

In honor of who we are

What we’ve accomplished

Cuddle in the softness until the table is set

Small in a big way

It never tasted so good

Until you were here

No need for sprinkles

Only a dash of cinnamon

Vanilla to taste

Eggs are for strength

You’ll push aside half of it

Today I’ll let that slide

If you remember anything

Remember what Sunday morning tasted like

The texture of my Love

Mine

One day I woke up

Saw what I had

Realized it was broken

Got out a hammer and nails

Accepted the paint on my sleeves

Sweat on my brow

Dirt between uneven fingers

I smiled when it hurt

I forgave myself

Still unsure if it was deserved

Not being perfect

I listened to demands coming from little mouths

Decided what was reasonable and what was code for something more

I created determination

From a speck of courage

That had fallen into a spot of pride

I skipped a few steps

But this family is mine

Christmas Vice

Bitersweet

Memories

And

Ghosts

Following the edict

To be filled with nothing but

Joy

Some rules have good intentions

Still lacking practicality

It’s not all lost

Twinkling in the dark night

I’ve laughed and loved

Still time for cocoa and rum

So many ties

Cut at the seams

Throwing loose cloth

Into the sea

I remember love

Lost and found

Nothing sticks like blood

Until it’s diluted by a 12 pack

Harmless lack of prohibition

I’ve got my own family now

It won’t be me who walks away

One thing not out of my control

One thing worth working for

With

And

Towards

I’ll light up the runway

Every single year

Forgiveness is my vice

Forgetting to not care

Any warm heart is welcome

But you can keep your vindictive gifts

Wrapped with deceptive sheets of self sacrifice

I don’t accept collect calls

But I hear footsteps approaching my door

Underneath

The surface doesn’t interest me

I want subcutaneous layers

Life has been painful

I don’t want to give that to you

Sometimes difficult

Getting upset over crumbs

Under the carpet

Because Love was never there

There’s no reason or logic to a broken heart

But you fill up the cracks

I need to bow down

To the power of your laugh

The wisdom in your ability to be impressed

They make me feel like you are a burden

But you are quite the opposite

One of those menacing lies

One of those self fulfilling prophecies

I just want to hold your light in both hands

Not be distracted by the fake fun being had

While half conscious

Losing heart and soul to a meaningless night

Believing it could have promise

Not sure if it is fate or naivety

You’re always bigger than what they seem

With their selfish aspirations

Self serving lives

Single is single

Solitary alone

Not duplicated

Not off for a period of time

Full time

One on one

I get you

Please, Lord

Help me appreciate each day

It’s hard to build a family out of clay

But you came in flesh and blood

Now to fix what I broke

When healing from my own wreckage

I loved you all the time

I swear it

I promise from the emptiness you filled up

At the bottom of my trembling heart

You will be with me

While I’m here

And when I’m gone

In the unseen fibers

That bind us together

That have yet to be discovered

That will make us feel at home

Long after walls have fallen down

Want You to Be

Tiny bones I built myself covered with skin I painted

Sometimes you’re a clone

Later I have to trace the path on a map

To remember how I found you

The most important bond

Hard to describe

Hard to represent without softened edges

I like my pictures raw

That’s why I draw you with cuts on your knees

It’s how you’ll learn to survive

In a world that’s not fair

But claims to be

I could list all of my wants

But they really don’t matter

I want you to be

I want you to be

You’ll be who you are

I grew you from scratch

That doesn’t mean I got to choose your flavor

I’ll believe in you

In what you pursue

All I can do

Is point in directions until your shoulders no longer move

I’m not a saint

Never claimed to be

I’ve already messed up

Continental proportions

You’re built to bounce back

I know you will

I know you do

Cuddle you while I can

Let you feel love with warm winter blankets

You’re the best of me

Inside out

Carved into your own form

That’s all I ever wanted you to be

Lest We Forget

Not all dark

Love is in both arms

In between the here to there

That causes sanity to be set loose

Forgetting what it was like to not have

Stowaways in my bed

Adventures under the coffee table

A reason to run past trees

And capture flags

It’s not all seat belts and Cheerios under the cushions

Doctor’s visits 

Crowded school drop-offs

It’s the acquisition of knew knowledge 

Actions based on the heart

Stick figures becoming works of art

Being reminded of what it is to be human

To be

To just be

Might I suggest

If one can no longer be a child

Stop from not being able

And just be

Barefoot in the grass

Daydreaming on Saturday morning

Kisses on both cheeks

I love the way you smile

With no intentions of tallying up debts

Or holding ransoms

Just sharing what you don’t need

Giving because it causes a smile

You are who we should be

Lest we forget