The Big Tire


I fell flat as the world turned round

Saw bits of me falling out

Voices were hushed 

As crazy walked by

Knowing in the back corner

What had happened

What was happening still

As screws began to turn

Loosen their hold

Too much

Too long

People are cruel

As they search 

Forgetting to check

Rubber inhaled into frozen lungs

As oily darkness shielded me 

From being seen

With dirty snow

Soaking into 

Dirty jeans

My love was lost

Before it was found

Death

And existence

Has always been spinning around

As I was scolded

For being born 

Into a sinner’s

Skin

That only did what seemed right

After evil had locked all the doors 

I never asked for this

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You Don’t Know Me

I’m glad you don’t know me anymore 

I’ve surrendered

Putting pieces of myself to sleep

While new pieces arose from beneath my bed

Filling in the gaps with crows feet

And silvery strands

Hoping one day

I wouldn’t care about being who I am

With buttery lips

And hole-punched eyes

My ambitions once soared 

Towards a dreamer’s lie

Where happiness is earned 

What is rightfully due 

Is obligingly given

Whoever loves first 

Loves with open fingertips

Gives without trepidation 

A place that was falsely advertised

As a carrot dangling

Out of breath

I discovered the scheme

With both shoulders dislocated

My escape was surely foiled

I know what you’ve been doing

You know my eyes don’t lie

Selfie

Taught that success is people knowing your name

Tallying up followers like it’s your claim to fame

Such a pretty pretty girl

Pink ribbons blonde curls

Such a beautiful young lady

Cherry lipstick glitter painted eyelids

Super Hot chick 

Short skirt spaghetti strap arms

Sexy mamma 

Form fitting charm

Thoughts and feelings

Frustration and compliance

Feeding sex-hungry eyes

Hating the mascara disguise

More than the pastel

Less than the goddess’ thrown 

You temporarily call home

When bloated lips look desperate

Wrinkles look out of place

What will you hold onto 

With those strategically shaped nails 

Claws won’t hide scared little girls

Who were only as good

As their portrait painted curves

Don’t mistake sex with power

When love is lost

Bodies become commodities

Traded among thieves

Every new product corners the market

Fads age like disease

I want to hear what you learned 

Aging on concrete

Your worth isn’t what daddy didn’t tell you

Your beauty isn’t what people like to see

You have to tear it down

To see through the facade

Here’s a wrecking ball

We can start destruction 

Once you say your real name

Seeking Love


I think he was porcelain

Or made of glass

With see-through eyes 

A long rib cage

Denying access

To anyone needing more 

Creating flowering trees

Only to burn them to their core

Smoke will soak up the pain

When roots are ripped 

For being born

Confusing will of want 

With destiny

Creating wet sand 

Smoothing the cracked foundation

It will never be internal

Signaling for relief 

Turning into a dirt road

Every path has a destination

There’s a beginning and an end

Some roads are for clogged commutes

Others are for discovery

A place never seen

Somehow calling your name

He was an accident

The collision forced me back into my skin

Skin

Break into this 

Don’t let it fade

Such a strong stride

Such a shame

Make it be what you want

Let it be what it will

I loved the light 

Faded 

Curdling

Under an absence 

Of confidence

Instead

Stuttering

Clambering 

To be something 

I already was

But couldn’t be

Turns out broken glass 

Doesn’t seal

Water leaks through

Breathe it in, Baby

Oxygen is gone

Float away

Float away

Float away 

Home

Where the water soaks the reeds

The cold is crisp

Needle-like ice

Melts into mud

Cakes into

Pores

Letting in

Too much

I want to breathe in your skin

Politician

Peel away

All of it

Stop shaking

Stop thinking

Stop hesitating

Your mind is a weapon 

With suicide scrolling through its bent halls

Empty faces 

With boxed up ears

Open funnel mouths

Spreading the coincidental tragedy 

Of what you could have been

The more you say

The more you explain

The more they back away

Even the listeners

Don’t like to hear

From mouths of the destitute 

Of the lost

Of the needy

Avoiding empathy at all costs

Gossip 

Hated more than lazy stagnation

Fills the void of contemplation 

Examination of unfortunate circumstances

A broken person was not delivered in poor condition

Molded by the thoughtless frustration of a fully formed being unable to cope with this world

The cycle continues 

I’ve been on both sides

Only thing worse than being a victim 

Is seeing evil corruption

When you look a reflection in the eyes

Battle


I’ve lost pieces of myself I don’t think I can get back

On this journey of forced self discovery 

I’m finding an empty shell

Of what was hollowed out years ago

Forgiveness was never requested

Neither was it given

It sits silently waiting for the next offender to stealthily creep in

Only to disappear 

Once the transplant organs have finally agreed to accept one another

Being ripped from beneath surgery’s scars

Because permanence no longer exists

Momentary complacency is all there is until someone gets bored 

Or tired

Or frustrated 

Your hatred of my self pity

Your belief it is a debt I fully charged against myself

Your disappointment in my unwillingness to accept the circumstances I was hesitantly remitted 

Because god dammit I worked too hard 

Bleeding from every overworked joint that cracks from the omission of peaceful rest

To ride a path only of simplicity 

Not immense wealth or fame

Enough to get by and not worry

About holes in the ceiling

And mice in the kitchen

Honoring the person I have earned the right to be

I will not be sold or compromised 

This battle is not done

Despite what you’ve heard

Money is not my king

I will live a fulfilled life 

Even if it is lived alone

Hand to Hold

You saw the world

I felt asphalt beneath my skin

You put a girl on a pedestal

I left the wreckage where it belongs

You are looking for an equal

I am looking for someone worthy of my undying love

That will cost total devotion

To a thing you can’t chain down

You will be asked to bend 

Until you break

Once it heals 

You’ll be asked to do it again

Strength and courage

Coated with unselfish love 

For things you didn’t create

Fastened with patience

For problems that existed before you 

This isn’t for the light-hearted

My burden has been anchored to my bones

I don’t want to put one foot in front of the other 

Without a hand to hold

But

My fists are clenched 

I’ll march to my grave 

If that’s the song that was written

If that’s the way it is

With eyes looking up

Chest heaving with pride

My body is strong

Want is a novelty I dream of at night

Need is something I’ve forgotten to feel

Bruised heels callous 

Hearts do the same

I trained myself for endurance 

Don’t ever forget 

You chose to walk away

Pressure

Can you turn it off

Tick tick tick

In the middle of the night

Open eyes

Darkness

Urgency

Towards nothing

Breathe in deep

Let it out

Spin spin spin

There will be no rest

Thoughts turn into thoughts

Keep it up

Keep going straight 

Through the tunnel

Under water

Deep sea diving 

Going farther 

And farther

And farther

Into deep blue

Air bubbles rising

Weightless floating

Inhale

Release

The only time I didn’t feel pressure was when standing next to you

I Am

I created angels from broken glass

Others only saw jagged edges

My vision was warped by their assumption

Monsters began to walk at night

Hiding in my own mummification

I numbed every cell that felt alive

Trying to cover up my shameful mistakes

Rotting flesh began to rise 

From the inside

It was my own

Until I stepped back 

Laughed

At the absurdity of expectations

Great and small

Claiming to have none

All of them were disgusted by their own inconvenience

How weak they must be 

To expect peace 

When life is nothing but a glorious battle

To survive

Bending down

Sweeping up ashes

I accepted what was lost

No longer will I be told what is right

I carved this road

Into the mountainside

Every curve

Every bend

I won’t flinch 

Or bat an eye

When tires squeal

To hug its sides

You don’t want to see

What’s on the other side

I never offered a free ride

This is my land 

I will drench her when she catches fire

And watch as the roots begin to grow

Again

I am 

And will remain