Tectonic Plates

I handed you a doll

She started to unravel

She was mine

Twenty years ago

Or so

I remember us making plans

For far off destinations

Funny how we think we have a say

As life turns us into strangers

Because “lifetimes ago”s

Were different places

Filled with secret gardens

And ways to escape

I dream of hollowed out stair cases

Loose bricks in the wall

A plan to get out

Without ever looking back

But the palace in the sky

Was just another mirage

There’s no love

No calling

No great design

This rock keeps spinning

My feet sewn to its

Ever-moving tectonic plates

Nothing more

Nothing less

I jump when I’m told

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You Know

Sleep with both eyes open

One is never enough

It feels good to know I’m prettier

And you would agree

I think about breakfast

In a barefoot kitchen

Knowing it will never be that way

But it could’ve been

If you would’ve let perfection

Straddle your cause

Instead you chase silicone

In the shape of a doll-like mold

You know lips never fit

Like mine

You can search the rest of your life

While I play hard to get

With all the wrong boys

Because being a tease

Is better than being nothing at all

I climbed to the top of the tower

Only to be sent home

But those flames

Shot into the sky

As I walked away

Letting it burn

Was my therapy

Breathing in the ashes

Of every person who thought I was nothing

As I walked across a stage

Knowing my accomplishments

Were more than you had ever dreamed

Drink it in baby

Ivory skin

Sun kissed cheeks

I’d hold you forever

If you believed we wouldn’t break

Nothing but a ghost again

I’ll wait patiently

Passing the time

With “whatever”s

And “never again”s

I hold on to the certainty of seeing

You

Again

But knowing

Some unmentionable

In a fashionable top

Will get stuck

With life

Half yours

I’ve seen it before

I’ve felt how it tore

You anchor yourself to your misery

And remember

How I tried to set you free

No one ever loved you

Like me

Millstone

Thoughts carry over

Subconscious tendencies

Flow without trepidation

Despite the harrowing journey

They surely bestow

Pervasive in nature

Walking along cliffs

Alone

Letting a dark character be a guide

Into empty caverns

But how eyes do glow

From the moon’s reflection

Seen in the rippling tide

Gently visiting

Only to bewitch

A forlorn heart

As it falls into fingers sweeping back hair

Lips grazing along an ivory curved neck

No warning

Except whispers from the past

As arms are tied behind the back

An anchor secured

Cinched to the waist

All love is gone

In shark like eyes

As a logical mind

Scrambles to find a reason why

Pleading while oars make little noise

Drowned out by the violence

Of land meeting an abrupt end against the sea

The deeper

More quiet tide

Lends to an evil silence

Smothering out the last thirst for desire

As it becomes clear how this is going to end

Forced to face actions

Brought about by hands thought to be the ones to protect

The water is stabbing

Until it feels like nothing at all

The necessity for oxygen takes over every other need

As legs

Motionless

Kick

And arms

Restrained

Flail

A sad surrender

Watered down tears add ounces to the sea

A lone beating heart

Keeps blood in the head

As water parts

Making way for an intruder

A rescuer

Who was the persecutor

What could this mean

A millstone removed

Rushed to the surface

Gasping for life

Air returns

Emotionless savior

Safely returning to a cave

Where a fire burns

And words are never exchanged

The feeling of being rescued by your captor

The only love I’ve ever named

Unplanned Response

I loved the way

You were supposed to be

I don’t think

I ever loved you

But you reminded me

Of a man

In a kitchen

Who hated me

With his eyes

Because sometimes

Victims become evil too

It’s how it never ends

Because how can you help a demon

When all they want to do

Is destroy you

I – I – I

Leads to depression

But I swear to God

Every time

I

stand up

His fists come smashing down

Like a resentful father

Who wishes his sins

Hadn’t brought me this far down

Disgusted by failure

I feel the world’s shoulders turn

Then I feel tiny eyes watching

An unplanned response

That displays grace and poise

Because that’s what women do

You say this game is on a level playing field

While watching me high from above

I don’t know why things happen

But I know why we start wars

It’s not love, wisdom, and compassion

It’s lust, ignorance, and complete disregard

Because YOU think

You’re the only one

Every Time

It’s interesting to see blindness

To feel a cruel cold

Once a fall has been experienced

It’s easy to be pushed off the edge

Because the second time

Is a fluke

The third is suspicious

The fourth is no fault but your own

It’s true

After being injured

You start to walk with a most cautious step

As villains continue to push you into oncoming traffic

You become untrusting

Even if that stranger comes with helping hands

The mind starts to question logical thoughts

As doubters and dotted lines create crime scenes

You never created

As hope fades

So does motivation

And here you lie

With broken appendages

And even more concerning

Broken spirits

I’ve seen you rise

You will again

But to what demise

Maybe it’s time to step off that ride

That never ending carousel

To breathe in

One molecule at a time

The clarity in this moment

Is something most people will never find

As they live their perfect lives

In their perfect homes

With their perfect love

I’d choose you

Every fucking time

#12

#12

Do any of you feel anything?

While ripping at each other’s seams

I get it

Boys break too

But my god

I’m not the

Princess

Who left you

Crying with ear pressed

Against the door

I never lied

As many times

As you wanted to catch me

All I wanted to do

Was love

A warm body

That felt whole

When pressed across my thinly inked

Sillouhetted borders

Fools aren’t in love

They’re casting shadows

From the outside

I never asked you to mention forever

But you hated me every time

It vividly crossed your pristine mind

Reinventing Lies

Have you ever looked at the light

Falling across the landscape

Thought about how it connects to the sun

In a vacuum of darkness

Made me think of the space between your eyes

The way you always devise your strategy

To manipulate feelings

According to your plan

In order to ensure that you’re loved

From all different sides

Never returning a flake of emotion

You must have been set on fire

The way you’re afraid of touch

Unless it means nothing

While you bend them at the knee

I knew a boy like you once

He reeled me in

And tossed me back

Every other day

In the most humane way

I started to chase your bait

Luckily

With these unbecoming signs of age

Come little creases of wisdom

I can turn my feelings off

I can even walk away

But how mesmerizing it is to watch

A master of his craft play

Of the Fittest

A struggle for survival

Nature at its cruelest state

When vines begin to strangle

Moonlight seals her fate

Determination of the hunted

Fights back against

Sneaky fiends

Trying to outsmart

Clever tricksters

More than once

She’s bitten forbidden fruit

Confused by the mixture of joy and remorse

Never wanting to fail

Sometimes continuing to breathe

Despite cracked ribs

Is the only victory

Embraced with inner zeal

The ones who climbed the highest mountain

Without obstacle or hardship

Surely don’t feel every ray sent down from heaven

That crackle beneath their feet isn’t quite as crisp

That tear falling down their cheek

Can’t be from a heart

Shredded by so much defeat

When the impossible is in her sights

The world becomes a maze

Some people are just made that way

Too

It’s hard to find wisdom

When the sky never stops

Voids seen

In the shape of absences

Names spelled incorrectly

As you etch them above your

Non existent bed

None of us were meant to be here

As paternal hands shoved us out of their arms

Being overlooked

By so many eyes

Leaves too little love to survive

But air moves in and out

In an effortless motion

Giving us little choice

Other than when we count the way down in feet

Averages

And likelihoods

Time is spent wondering

Except

When I was

Next to you

I guess that’s why I had trouble

When you walked away too

Helicopter Kick

What have you got to defeat me

Sticks and stones

Exuberance at my decay

I’ve smelled the carpet

Fingers closing round my neck

I’m not afraid of defeat

Being a phoenix is my hobby

Insanity is my smokescreen

I will not be forced into submission

Not in this lifetime

Game over

One up life

I sense this victory

In every reincarnation

Your friends give you strength

I grew up in a closet alone

All I know is the strength of my own avocado shoulders

That support every plank

Meant to stabilize a house

Left in inheritance

Built upon sand

Nothing but insecurities

That leave indifference

That can stop shooting arrows

Set aflame

By your indignation

At my unwillingness to roll over

Belly exposed

I’ve seen the empty carcasses strewn across your lawn

My wisdom is founded

In the gritty truths of cracked cement

Unfair to poker face your first hand

If life hasn’t taught you this yet

You’re lesson was overdue

On heterogenous resistance

To submission

I will wrap your chord around my neck

Only to helicopter kick your attempt at pervasive control

I can walk in a straight line

If the guidance is fueled by pure intent

But my paranoid fingers twitch

At the hint of manipulation

Respectfully bowing out

Your poor attempt

At burying insecurities

Has left me with empathy

That will only surface once

Be at peace

My troubled friend