Nevermind

Here are the facts

In digestible bits

Your fences are guarded

As you run to home plate

Mannequin machine guns

Tilted in hand

You love watching

As people chant your name

But the risk of

Skinning a knee

(Arteries coming straight from the heart)

Is too great

So you

“Who’s on First”

Until no one knows their own name

But all the laughs get back to you

Praised for a good game

Jukebox after party

You don’t want it all to be the same

Being confined in small places

Was never your schtick

So you wander

And browse

Still carrying chains to what you consider safe

You leave doors open

Just in case

Seeing eyes that dazzle

Curiosity in mind

You start to wonder

Wander

Forget who’s in charge

Quickly you accelerate

And slam on the brakes

Because no one is going to tell you

Or have you

Or want you

That’s what it is

The voice in your head

You know

The asshole

The voice in your heart

Saying this can’t be right

They want something more

When in reality

She sees undefined shapes

In the sound of your voice

That remind her of a desert

That revealed cloudy stars

It’s the certainty you muster

It’s the charismatic charm

That gets her every time

But eventually you remind her

Of her own voice deep inside

Saying “they’ll never be mine”

So like two opposing magnets

You rip apart time

Avoiding something

That could have been

Should have been

Maybe

But could have been

Absolutely

It wasn’t an excuse

Money was never in mind

Just time with you

But I guess

Nevermind

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Tectonic Plates

I handed you a doll

She started to unravel

She was mine

Twenty years ago

Or so

I remember us making plans

For far off destinations

Funny how we think we have a say

As life turns us into strangers

Because “lifetimes ago”s

Were different places

Filled with secret gardens

And ways to escape

I dream of hollowed out stair cases

Loose bricks in the wall

A plan to get out

Without ever looking back

But the palace in the sky

Was just another mirage

There’s no love

No calling

No great design

This rock keeps spinning

My feet sewn to its

Ever-moving tectonic plates

Nothing more

Nothing less

I jump when I’m told

You Know

Sleep with both eyes open

One is never enough

It feels good to know I’m prettier

And you would agree

I think about breakfast

In a barefoot kitchen

Knowing it will never be that way

But it could’ve been

If you would’ve let perfection

Straddle your cause

Instead you chase silicone

In the shape of a doll-like mold

You know lips never fit

Like mine

You can search the rest of your life

While I play hard to get

With all the wrong boys

Because being a tease

Is better than being nothing at all

I climbed to the top of the tower

Only to be sent home

But those flames

Shot into the sky

As I walked away

Letting it burn

Was my therapy

Breathing in the ashes

Of every person who thought I was nothing

As I walked across a stage

Knowing my accomplishments

Were more than you had ever dreamed

Drink it in baby

Ivory skin

Sun kissed cheeks

I’d hold you forever

If you believed we wouldn’t break

Nothing but a ghost again

I’ll wait patiently

Passing the time

With “whatever”s

And “never again”s

I hold on to the certainty of seeing

You

Again

But knowing

Some unmentionable

In a fashionable top

Will get stuck

With life

Half yours

I’ve seen it before

I’ve felt how it tore

You anchor yourself to your misery

And remember

How I tried to set you free

No one ever loved you

Like me

Millstone

Thoughts carry over

Subconscious tendencies

Flow without trepidation

Despite the harrowing journey

They surely bestow

Pervasive in nature

Walking along cliffs

Alone

Letting a dark character be a guide

Into empty caverns

But how eyes do glow

From the moon’s reflection

Seen in the rippling tide

Gently visiting

Only to bewitch

A forlorn heart

As it falls into fingers sweeping back hair

Lips grazing along an ivory curved neck

No warning

Except whispers from the past

As arms are tied behind the back

An anchor secured

Cinched to the waist

All love is gone

In shark like eyes

As a logical mind

Scrambles to find a reason why

Pleading while oars make little noise

Drowned out by the violence

Of land meeting an abrupt end against the sea

The deeper

More quiet tide

Lends to an evil silence

Smothering out the last thirst for desire

As it becomes clear how this is going to end

Forced to face actions

Brought about by hands thought to be the ones to protect

The water is stabbing

Until it feels like nothing at all

The necessity for oxygen takes over every other need

As legs

Motionless

Kick

And arms

Restrained

Flail

A sad surrender

Watered down tears add ounces to the sea

A lone beating heart

Keeps blood in the head

As water parts

Making way for an intruder

A rescuer

Who was the persecutor

What could this mean

A millstone removed

Rushed to the surface

Gasping for life

Air returns

Emotionless savior

Safely returning to a cave

Where a fire burns

And words are never exchanged

The feeling of being rescued by your captor

The only love I’ve ever named

Every Time

It’s interesting to see blindness

To feel a cruel cold

Once a fall has been experienced

It’s easy to be pushed off the edge

Because the second time

Is a fluke

The third is suspicious

The fourth is no fault but your own

It’s true

After being injured

You start to walk with a most cautious step

As villains continue to push you into oncoming traffic

You become untrusting

Even if that stranger comes with helping hands

The mind starts to question logical thoughts

As doubters and dotted lines create crime scenes

You never created

As hope fades

So does motivation

And here you lie

With broken appendages

And even more concerning

Broken spirits

I’ve seen you rise

You will again

But to what demise

Maybe it’s time to step off that ride

That never ending carousel

To breathe in

One molecule at a time

The clarity in this moment

Is something most people will never find

As they live their perfect lives

In their perfect homes

With their perfect love

I’d choose you

Every fucking time

Told

What do you think my life is like?

Have you thought about that?

I’ve thought about yours

Your struggles

Your heartbreak

Your happiness

Your free time

I’ve been told women are weak

Too much emotion

I’ve been told mothers are not people

Their purpose has been served

I’ve been told I hold on too tight

Wanting to keep love is wrong

I’ve been told I’m too prudish

Giving it away is a game

I’ve been told I’m too loose

Giving it away isn’t a game after all

Only after it’s been received

I’ve been told I’m too crazy

Life needs law and order

I’ve been told I’m too uptight

Life shouldn’t be caged in

I’m not sure why my hands shake when I walk into a new room

Perhaps I’ve been told too many things

Perhaps I’ve listened to too many words

I remember speaking up once

Thrown against a wall

I remember having an opinion

Hormones are a nasty imbalance

I remember pointing out hypocrisy

Biology decided who was in charge

I don’t know why women are upset

Everything is just fine

That’s what I was told

#12

#12

Do any of you feel anything?

While ripping at each other’s seams

I get it

Boys break too

But my god

I’m not the

Princess

Who left you

Crying with ear pressed

Against the door

I never lied

As many times

As you wanted to catch me

All I wanted to do

Was love

A warm body

That felt whole

When pressed across my thinly inked

Sillouhetted borders

Fools aren’t in love

They’re casting shadows

From the outside

I never asked you to mention forever

But you hated me every time

It vividly crossed your pristine mind

Glorified Selfie

I saw myself through someone else’s eyes

It wasn’t what I expected

Not nearly half as bad

The blemishes were porcelain

The worn out look

Carried commonalities amongst friends

Confidence had been fully enabled

No need to put up the facade

Edges were softened

As shadows cut where they belonged

Lips pulled every moving body inward

Calculating how to attach

For any amount of time

Because there is fragrance

In an untamed

Yet

Passionately honest heart

That is what I saw

That is what I felt

That is what I lay down before you

Always on bended knees

Metamorphosis

Don’t let people know

Too much about you

All they’ll do

Is use it to break you

Especially

When all you need is a somebody

Somebody to

Just somebody

They smell it on your

Crumpled collar

The way your eyes

Shudder downwards

Anticipating the dissipation of light

Casting out the last hope

The only lifeboat left

They hop in for a ride

See what you have to offer

No commitment in mind

An observation

About what went horribly wrong

When shadows followed you in the hallway

Then you turned out

This way

The only way you know

It’s not quite right

It’s not how they want to see you

But expecting joints to bend the opposite way

Is just foolish

They never really wanted to see change

Anyway

They wanted to inhale your life

Absorb the way you love

Without holding back

They don’t understand it

Can’t be around it

Very long

So you gave

Until they walked away

Pretending to come back

Because they missed it

The look in your eyes

Undeserved loyalty

Once you knew

They didn’t intend to be around for long

You built a cocoon

No one has seen you

Since the last full moon

Follow

Follow truth

It will set you free

But it most certainly will

Not be painless

As it turns your protective layers

Inside out

Exposing hurt

On a torturous level

You will want to succumb to the pain

Of everything you’ve never had

But felt across the edges of your bandaged fingers

Realizing the blood on the floor is not your own

You’ve spread the destruction

As you tried to heal

Cocoon yourself in isolation

The body will become whole again

One mutated cell at a time

Every piece of you

Strewn across the wasteland

Will be returned

As your scarred body

Rises up

To complete daily thankless tasks

The sun will rise in watercolor

You will see every frame

As it was meant to be seen

Through tears earned

Never faked

It is only on the other side

Of self inflicted wounds

That you will realize what life always was

An accidental gift

Most never bother to unravel

Tossing shiny ribbons on the floor

Only to get to the next piece of waste

Hold it in both hands

Let it evaporate into your compromised skeleton

If your eyes aren’t filled with disappointment

You haven’t given it your all