Vanilla

I don’t need to ask questions to know who you are

I pay attention to every move

Every breath

Every movement of the eyes

I listen to vowels and how they overlap

I knew I was being judged from the moment I arrived

You had made up your mind

Before I opened my mouth

Maybe that’s why I let it all spill out

No repercussions

Just a stranger

Who would become stranger still

You acted like the missed connection was because of a lack of intimacy

In reality

It was your need to jump into a closeness that naturally requires steps

Without any preparation

No rewards or take-backs

Sorry to disappoint

Like you said, “they” don’t like me

Your friends whom I’ve never met and never will

Yet you came in with their prejudice

Their stagnant ill will

This is how we function

And compartmentalize

We meet people with no purpose

Other than to see how far we can sneak inside

How deeply we can get under their skin

Suddenly pulling away

Like a ghost that was never really there

Never really felt or heard or seen

I’ll be a phantom

You’ll see a glimpse of

Randomly

When your mind is empty

Looking for possibility

That one you never really wanted

That one you just wanted to see

That creature behind glass

Free admission for a limited time

How curious real people are

Who love beyond self fulfillment

Who struggle

In order to thrive

What must that be like

To not be completely enthralled with self-satisfaction

To not dissolve when it gets difficult

To not walk away when you want to

I didn’t ask any questions

Your unsolicited statements

Spoke for themselves

Ten years is nothing

When you live all alone

On an island of Self

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