Seeking Love

I think he was porcelain

Or made of glass

With see-through eyes 

A long rib cage

Denying access

To anyone needing more 

Creating flowering trees

Only to burn them to their core

Smoke will soak up the pain

When roots are ripped 

For being born

Confusing will of want 

With destiny

Creating wet sand 

Smoothing the cracked foundation

It will never be internal

Signaling for relief 

Turning into a dirt road

Every path has a destination

There’s a beginning and an end

Some roads are for clogged commutes

Others are for discovery

A place never seen

Somehow calling your name

He was an accident

The collision forced me back into my skin


Gradients of Blue


Is always shared


Is hidden under a pillow

Afraid tomorrow

Won’t be there

Never stopped feeling the loss

Of every overturned car

That could be my ticket

Out of that dusty town

Turned out 

I was my own free ride

Doesn’t stop the loneliness inside

Effects can be seen

In shaky hands 

And doubting eyes

When wisdom brings nothing

But the knowledge of what’s wrong 

Inner workings of a non-stop mind

Always working overtime

Paid at half the wage

Producing nothing

More dangerous than ignorance 

For it is bliss

To not realize you have a deficiency

A lack of skill

In coping 

Pain is a scar that blocks the path 

To self-confidence

Insecurities from being on the outside

Of families

I saw myself in

Hiding behind curtains

Revealing only a longing

Fueled from the inside

Observe and imagine

Glass to separate the connection

Dusting with velvet gloves

Creating worlds that held me 

Where I needed to be 

Hair rising as goosebumps form

Looking into eyes that welcome me in 

I’m in the color of you now

Please don’t fade


Break into this 

Don’t let it fade

Such a strong stride

Such a shame

Make it be what you want

Let it be what it will

I loved the light 



Under an absence 

Of confidence




To be something 

I already was

But couldn’t be

Turns out broken glass 

Doesn’t seal

Water leaks through

Breathe it in, Baby

Oxygen is gone

Float away

Float away

Float away 


Where the water soaks the reeds

The cold is crisp

Needle-like ice

Melts into mud

Cakes into


Letting in

Too much

I want to breathe in your skin


Peel away

All of it

Stop shaking

Stop thinking

Stop hesitating

Your mind is a weapon 

With suicide scrolling through its bent halls

Empty faces 

With boxed up ears

Open funnel mouths

Spreading the coincidental tragedy 

Of what you could have been

The more you say

The more you explain

The more they back away

Even the listeners

Don’t like to hear

From mouths of the destitute 

Of the lost

Of the needy

Avoiding empathy at all costs


Hated more than lazy stagnation

Fills the void of contemplation 

Examination of unfortunate circumstances

A broken person was not delivered in poor condition

Molded by the thoughtless frustration of a fully formed being unable to cope with this world

The cycle continues 

I’ve been on both sides

Only thing worse than being a victim 

Is seeing evil corruption

When you look a reflection in the eyes


I’ve lost pieces of myself I don’t think I can get back

On this journey of forced self discovery 

I’m finding an empty shell

Of what was hollowed out years ago

Forgiveness was never requested

Neither was it given

It sits silently waiting for the next offender to stealthily creep in

Only to disappear 

Once the transplant organs have finally agreed to accept one another

Being ripped from beneath surgery’s scars

Because permanence no longer exists

Momentary complacency is all there is until someone gets bored 

Or tired

Or frustrated 

Your hatred of my self pity

Your belief it is a debt I fully charged against myself

Your disappointment in my unwillingness to accept the circumstances I was hesitantly remitted 

Because god dammit I worked too hard 

Bleeding from every overworked joint that cracks from the omission of peaceful rest

To ride a path only of simplicity 

Not immense wealth or fame

Enough to get by and not worry

About holes in the ceiling

And mice in the kitchen

Honoring the person I have earned the right to be

I will not be sold or compromised 

This battle is not done

Despite what you’ve heard

Money is not my king

I will live a fulfilled life 

Even if it is lived alone

Hand to Hold

You saw the world

I felt asphalt beneath my skin

You put a girl on a pedestal

I left the wreckage where it belongs

You are looking for an equal

I am looking for someone worthy of my undying love

That will cost total devotion

To a thing you can’t chain down

You will be asked to bend 

Until you break

Once it heals 

You’ll be asked to do it again

Strength and courage

Coated with unselfish love 

For things you didn’t create

Fastened with patience

For problems that existed before you 

This isn’t for the light-hearted

My burden has been anchored to my bones

I don’t want to put one foot in front of the other 

Without a hand to hold


My fists are clenched 

I’ll march to my grave 

If that’s the song that was written

If that’s the way it is

With eyes looking up

Chest heaving with pride

My body is strong

Want is a novelty I dream of at night

Need is something I’ve forgotten to feel

Bruised heels callous 

Hearts do the same

I trained myself for endurance 

Don’t ever forget 

You chose to walk away


There will come a day when the river violently rushes through

You will struggle to stand

The dirt will tumble into the water

Debris will knock you down 

The wind will welcome you back

Until the water reclaims you

You won’t have time to think

The automaticity in your muscles

In your bones 

Will find a way

Without acknowledgment of what is happening 

Your body will fight

To survive

Because we are born with a desire

To be

You will rise up

Seeing for the first time

The horrible disaster 

As it was

Find your way to the buildings that still stand

Tend to your wounds

Recounting the tragedy 

No one will truly understand

But they will see it

On your face 

When you pause

Revisit it in your mind

Without speaking

You will show us

In that moment 

That is when

(If we let it)

Humanity will rise


I never understood the world

Until I saw it through your eyes

Golden edges

Brittle beginnings

Horizons for every lost soul

Smile that could brighten the moon

Shear light from our brightest star

Amazed by your presence 

I simply sat to reflect on all of the things

You showed me

And what magic you must have left


You stand in your confidence

What kingdoms you must have seen 

Rise and fall

Rebuild and dissipate 

I admire your stature

The way you don’t sway

The way you simply are 

Never intimidated or pressured 

You even fall with grace

Leaving a reminder of what you were 

No mistaking pure majesty

A shrine to your creator 

Without whispering His name

No opinion on other’s thoughts

Truth runs through you

Oxygen to deep roots

Feel your skin

Rough and untamed

Enjoy peace that is given 

Without a name 

You won’t change 

But someday 

We will destroy you

For no reason

Other than the ability

That was given

With an assumption of honor

We never earned 

And have yet to obtain


I love the way you smile

Under cover

Needing acknowledgment for your effort

To get me to look inside

Big brown eyes

That see the world 

The way we always should

With a sense of hope 

In an adventure

You haven’t quite got planned

But know it’s there waiting for you

Possibility is never ending

I love you all around

Tiny toes 

To button nose

Fingers searching for hands to hold

Snuggles are our ritual

The kind I forgot

When emotions became frivolous 

And affection overrated

In the deadliest of ways

Life has a way of resurfacing

Remember the way I tried 

To always make life full

Of discovery and sunshine

To fill that curiosity 

I hope never goes away

I want to see you walk away

Looking at the sky

Building bridges and carving tunnels

Always reaching way up high

I’ve loved you since you were nothing more 

Than a tiny little flutter

Don’t wait for me

Keep on going 

I’ll watch you from the sea

As you soar in the sky

I’ll always love you 

Near or far 

I’ll always be your mother