I see the way you look at me

With dust on my feet

You were told at a young age you were at a disadvantage

In response

Your family tilted your chin up

You don’t understand having been pummeled into the clay by the fingers that shaped your face

You see weakness in my defeat

You don’t see the wound that broke open just under the hairline

Because I keep it combed out of sight 

Despite the agonizing pain it takes to do so

Every morning 

Sifting hair from dangling stitches clinging to dried up blood

You talk to me with with venomous abhorrence and as if to a child 

You taste your own salty weakness on your tongue and it causes you to revisit caves 

Where your mother taught you how to be strong

It wasn’t an option 

Like becoming a vengeful chieftain is

Is it tiring 

Treading water 

In a sea of empty meaning 

That distances you from a genuine search for knowledge instead of a display of self-righteous public humiliation of anyone who gives you the chance to devour them as they slither into a trap of inquiry where your logic is replaced by a carnivorous appetite of superiority 

Don’t worry princess

You win

This battle we never fought

I never wanted to be in

Enjoy your exhibition of my head upon your spear

My repugnant weakness on full display

But it wasn’t you who won the battle

This war was fought and won

The day I held my broken future in my adult arms 

In the desert

A decade ago

When I gave up

Because no one believed

Or cared to notice 

The soul that was so desperately trying to connect with a single atom 

Only to be catapulted back into the stars 

With hands around necks

And fists against walls

A father calmly saying it was my own fault

As he barely even let the thought 

About what would be lost

Flee across his calloused brain

Because women are no longer little girls

And men remind us every day

Women prop up this thinking in order to stay in their serene estate with newly laminated portraits and calligraphy on the wall

We should have been great comrades 

I guess you never saw the ceiling with the base of your skull on the cement 

I don’t hate you for not considering

I don’t hate him for not resisting

I don’t hate them for not intervening

I don’t hate any of you for abandoning in order to avoid contamination by proximity

Truth is I don’t hate

Or love

Or feel 



Go in peace 

It doesn’t make any difference to me


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