Used

When the rust finds a home

My aching neck will finally snap

Purpose is an assumption

That puts weight on my broken back

Thoughts expire

As we melt into spring

I didn’t notice the sky open 

Maybe

I did

But I hated it for lighting up

All the things I’ll never be

All the things I’ll never see

All the voices I’ll never hear

In the end we were simply facilitators to the creation of the end

We were all being used

So stick that in your eye

When you are shaking your lovely little finger 

At all I failed to do

Flightless Bird


I haven’t been able to find words

Ears are no longer leant

Separation is getting harder for me

It’s happening so frequently

The forest is losing too many trees

And a bird without a nest

Is mocked for its awkward state

As it flies into glass 

Squawking for relief 

From the torrential downpour

Of a solitary life 

With chicks hatching

Into a world of great indifference

What is a broken wing

When jets fly overhead

I’d rather bury my head

And be the flightless bird I once was

Than fly headfirst into hurricane strength winds

Expected to come out the other side singing a sweet little tune

So the neighbors aren’t uncomfortable

Or bothered

Or put out in any way

Because customer satisfaction of the masses is our god

As it equals currency

That can not be exchanged

Do we have a right to happiness?

Damn right

Do we have an obligation to be temporarily inconvenienced in order to help a friend off the streets?

Preposterous

Their own bad choices led to their demise

The inevitable paradox

It makes sense now why I find myself dumbfounded 

Unable to communicate necessary thoughts

Love is elastic 

It slipped away

It snapped me back into a catatonic state

Some of Us

I don’t want it anymore

The pictures

The perfection

The what ifs

The could have beens

The open smiles

The coordination 

Flexibility

Cooperation

Not one

Not a single one

All gone

All dust

To dust

Staring over railing

Nails against cement 

To remember

Feel smooth

Against

Coarse 

Slip away

From my wish book

Locked up

Set it ablaze

Some of us aren’t made for photo albums

We smile only out of sight

Split

Unfortunately you seem to have split

Apart

But the nice thing about losing your mind

Is you don’t know to care anymore

When the boy leaves you to cry

When the money all floats away

When the butcher

The baker

The candlestick maker

All send your business the other way

When the people you lit lamps for out of sight 

Out of range

Left you stranded amongst planets and stars

Where messages can not reach

And your diamond colored envelope with all your hopes and dreams

Was carelessly slipped into the wrong mailbox 

And will never again be seen

You simply open your sad eyes

Stare out over the sea

Of empty bodies 

With powdered heads

Open that red mouth wide

And laugh 

My dear

Just laugh

You 

crazy 

lovely

Thing

Remember

I’ve been thinking

Too much

Turning skin

Inside out

Painting colors

Out of shapes

Bending time 

To Stitch together reasons

For why

And how

And what should have been

I’ve been treading water 

At the bottom of the ocean

With an anchor around my neck

I’ve been loving ghosts

Of people I never really knew

I’ve been corresponding 

The recipient: my own ink

I’ve been making arrangements 

In my head 

Closing the deal 

In daydreams

Opening up windows 

In closed off closets

Going sailing 

In a landlocked city

Surrounded by walls

I’ve been thinking

A bit too much

I think my mind is knotted up

Even that thought

Pulled more gray matter through

Someday I won’t think so much

When my mind forgets how to remember

And I don’t remember you

Let Me Down

You let me down

I’m not supposed to say

Soft spots in muscles show
You let me down

I walked away

Forced to turn nice and slow
We pull 

And tear

And claw 

At each other’s face

Pretending we 

Want more

But really we want less 

Of who they are

Because we feel something when it’s too hard

And we don’t want to stand next to them

Hair blowing away

You loved

And then it went away

When the walls began to shake

But that wasn’t your burden to take

That’s the excuse you gave

Because love has insurance

No liability

Once the premium is paid

You were polite

As you dipped out of sight

So what more could I say

No bruises in daylight

This was a success

You wanted me

All of me

The splinters of me

Softly pressed into your tongue

Until life made it clear

That my path was a battle

You loved to run

But only for fun

You let me down

As a person

To another person

You watched me crawl 

“It’s just over” you said

Loving when it’s easy isn’t love at all

It’s a parasite 

Draining resources

Until the shell is empty

Moving on

To find the next host

I’ll love again

And look into their eyes

As I sit back 

Wait

To let fangs sink deep inside

Peace

I see the way you look at me

With dust on my feet

You were told at a young age you were at a disadvantage

In response

Your family tilted your chin up

You don’t understand having been pummeled into the clay by the fingers that shaped your face

You see weakness in my defeat

You don’t see the wound that broke open just under the hairline

Because I keep it combed out of sight 

Despite the agonizing pain it takes to do so

Every morning 

Sifting hair from dangling stitches clinging to dried up blood

You talk to me with with venomous abhorrence and as if to a child 

You taste your own salty weakness on your tongue and it causes you to revisit caves 

Where your mother taught you how to be strong

It wasn’t an option 

Like becoming a vengeful chieftain is

Is it tiring 

Treading water 

In a sea of empty meaning 

That distances you from a genuine search for knowledge instead of a display of self-righteous public humiliation of anyone who gives you the chance to devour them as they slither into a trap of inquiry where your logic is replaced by a carnivorous appetite of superiority 

Don’t worry princess

You win

This battle we never fought

I never wanted to be in

Enjoy your exhibition of my head upon your spear

My repugnant weakness on full display

But it wasn’t you who won the battle

This war was fought and won

The day I held my broken future in my adult arms 

In the desert

A decade ago

When I gave up

Because no one believed

Or cared to notice 

The soul that was so desperately trying to connect with a single atom 

Only to be catapulted back into the stars 

With hands around necks

And fists against walls

A father calmly saying it was my own fault

As he barely even let the thought 

About what would be lost

Flee across his calloused brain

Because women are no longer little girls

And men remind us every day

Women prop up this thinking in order to stay in their serene estate with newly laminated portraits and calligraphy on the wall

We should have been great comrades 

I guess you never saw the ceiling with the base of your skull on the cement 

I don’t hate you for not considering

I don’t hate him for not resisting

I don’t hate them for not intervening

I don’t hate any of you for abandoning in order to avoid contamination by proximity

Truth is I don’t hate

Or love

Or feel 

Or 

Anymore

Go in peace 

It doesn’t make any difference to me