Once

I was a little girl once

Narrow bridge

Across my nose

Freckled stepping stones

Into my koi pond eyes

Lined with plastic optimism 

One inch thick

Covered by cautious brows 

That questioned intentions

Of hands raised high 

Coming towards me

Turning the other cheek

Like good little Christians do

Chaste until the day I realized 

You didn’t give a damn

Holding hands for fun

Pretending to be entertained

Very rarely fooled by the games boys

Try

To play

But I went along

Hands folded in my lap

Pleasant smile across my thinning face 

As I waited for life to start

More possibilities faded away

Body morphing into a home

For new life

Now expected to 

“Do a job”

I never meant to do alone 

But

He broke more than my heart

Still

Being judged by every 

Muddy 

Obstructed

Pious 

Soul

That never had someone give up 

On them

When they 

Had stepped in a trap

Because a father’s love 

Is currency 

I’ve been bankrupt since thirteen

When life got confusing

And everyone just stopped 

Which is okay

Unless it’s just you

Then you’re doing it wrong

Because no one is under your bed

Telling you they know 

What it’s like 

When you’re seen in the dark

And your skin glows

Because when your incandescent

By yourself 

All the lights burnt out

No one knows

You are just a grayscale copy 

Of everyone else

Your failures are on billboards

Nothing else is seen

I was a little girl once

I don’t know why

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