Pretending

Embracing my solitude 

Shoved in my face

I am alone

People will say they are there for you

When you teeter on the edge of a cliff 

Once that rock stops moving

They simply label the trail impassible 

Block it off

No one wants to hear that you need them

Until you don’t

We 

Cruel manipulative creatures

Interact in the most vicious ways

Guarantee security just to gain trust that will be ripped away

Spreading love like we have enough to spare

Killing ourselves

From the inside out

Ruled by money 

Thrown in front of us 

Getting us to dig for more

Just to be handed over 

In exchange for bread 

Laced with complacency

I understand why you live on the street in your cardboard box

Insane to do it any other way

Getting kicked in the teeth then being forced to smile 

Faking contentment in order to not make others sad

No one wants to be inconvenienced 

So we pretend we are fine

Well I’m not goddam fine 

I am an angry woman who has been beaten

Broken bloody nose

Pushed aside 

Bruises on my arms

Cracking before you 

“It will be fine”

I’ve been here before 

The ONLY thing that makes it fine is the hope that I’ll never be here again

But here we sit

At the bottom of the canyon

Hurled over the edge 

One more time

Not the first

Not the last 

Broken bones heal

Leaving scars

Not dealing with a problem is easier 

For you

Than trying to make a faceless woman with faceless children okay

Not perfect

Not great

But okay

Sick of being told how things are 

You sit in your private nook sipping you’re espresso uninterrupted

Sit next to me in the catapult as they slowly pull us back in order to make the perfect release

Hear your voice crack as you scream for the fear of your life falling apart

We are the voiceless and we need a caring heart that has felt our fear

My biggest fear

It may be too late

I have no more strength in any single molecule of my body

If you finally come along

Have the strength to carry me home

I’m done pretending I can do it alone

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s