The Bridge

This poem is not to glorify or justify suicide. It is honestly just me working through it. We stigmatize it so much, that we are either glorifying it or seeking attention when we share these feelings. Right now, writing about it is the only thing keeping me from it. We need to listen to people more. We need to let them speak without rolling our eyes. We need affection and compassion and companionship without any expectations of getting something in return, because ironically, you inevitably will get something out of it. Out of helping another human being by simply being there for them. These feelings are the hardest battle I’ve ever faced, and I hope by sharing them, others can be strong enough to share theirs too, because it’s saving me right now.
“The Bridge”

I drove over that bridge again 

But I couldn’t stop the car

I knew the absoluteness of that jump

What it would mean to my existence

I had every intention

Approaching it like a roller coaster 

Anticipation sent adrenaline through my fingertips

I couldn’t stop the car

I thought about all the people that wouldn’t care

I thought about all the people that would think I was pathetic 

Every thought led me back there

But I couldn’t stop the car

If I could’ve stood and thought about it 

Maybe

But I couldn’t stop the car

I know what people think when people talk about this

We are the weak and attention seeking

I can’t explain to you the gravity that pulls you down 

Takes you to that place

Forcibly

We don’t want attention 

It’s the last thing we want

We want to escape

We want to not feel

We want to float in our nonexistence

But I couldn’t stop the car

I sent out a final text 

Every intention in place

Now

I have to face them

Makes me want to go back

People tell me I can

It will all be okay

Things will work out

I’ve been told that for years 

People standing a hundred yards away

Scared their clothes will get dirty

Their hands might be asked to help

It’s just another hole

To dig my way out of

I don’t need a text 

Or a phone call

Or checking in for the first time in months

I need a body sitting next to me

Holding my hand

Daily

Saying 

It will be okay

I’ll be right here with you

I thought about what it would feel like

Falling straight in

That wasn’t what scared me

It was 5% 

Not 100% guarantee

Numbers always get me

I couldn’t stop the car

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