Altschmerz

“Altschmerz: weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had — the same boring flaws and anxieties that you’ve been gnawing on for years” – John Koenig’s Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
I am so sorry

On my knees 

Face flat

Against the ground

I felt like everything had changed

But today 

One person

Told me 

One thing

That made me remember 

Why I let myself be locked in a closet for two years

With no air to breathe

I deserved nothing more

Noting inferiorities of my own

Suddenly

All of that confidence 

You fell in love with 

Is gone

And all of the pleading 

In my heart 

For you to stay

Is only helping 

To put up 

Your walls

I didn’t start this fight

With myself

But I did unlock

The demon’s cage

He is fighting 

With all of his brute strength

For sole possession 

Of my spirit

That seemingly steers this battle born ship

Finding itself

Crashed upon the weathered rocks 

That show their age

I’m tired of ending up here 

I almost wish you would go now

So I don’t have to see you leave

I know what comes next 

No war will be fought

No fight to put up

Just a dance 

In between 

What was 

And what will be

I am not the ship

I’ve said it before

I am the island 

Islands stand alone

In all of their sorrow

Longing to be loved

But even cast aways will someday 

Be nothing but dust and bone

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