Liberosis


“Liberosis: the desire to care less about things” – John Koenig’s Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows 
I was told as a child to have empathy

It was burned into my ear canals

Filled with lighter fluid 

As I see blood coming out of your veins

My heart starts to palpitate 

I feel pain

I don’t imagine what you’re going through 

I don’t have to

That’s why I don’t understand 

How the world can look at misfortune

And say

It is what it is

They deserve it that way

That’s the grave they dug for themselves

I’ve been kicked 

And I’ve been shoved

I’ve had to beg

I’ve had to borrow

I’ve been in moments of privilege

I’ve been in desperation

In my moments of fear I have seen cold hearts and turned faces

How can it be like this

Death is a fact

People are transient 

How can I let go of all of this pain I have been carrying because I know no one wants to hear this story 

Over and over and over again

How can I not be afraid that the world will close in around me when every day I see the sky getting closer to the earth

Most urgently, how can I stop caring for the people that have mutilated my open-heart-surgery mind

I care for the hands that retracted

I care for the faces that turned away

I try to solve the problems that caused them to be that way

Sometimes I wish I didn’t care at all

On days like this

When it is clear 

No one is listening

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