Onism

“Onism: the frustration of being stuck in one body that only inhabits one place at a time”

I wanted to be

So translucent

So unattainable

So indifferent

To make the feeling of loss go away

But here I sit 

Being confined

By my loneliness

Of wanting 

To be 

A part of you

I wanted to be

So hidden

So fluid

So unpredictable

To make movement so much more realistic

But here I sit

Being a solid

By my dependence

Of needing

To be

Secure

I wanted to be

So glamorous

So effortless

So energetic

To make life a constant moment

But here I sit

Being stagnant

By my exhaustion 

Of trying 

To be

A picture of togetherness

I wanted to be 

So sensuous

So pretty

So desirable

But here I sit

By my normality

Of trying 

To be

Everything you wanted 

I am only able to be who I am

And it is not who I planned

But I am not ashamed 

Of this vessel 

I have built from rubble

I need to remember that

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