Nodus Tollens

“Nodus Tollens: the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore” – John Koenig’s Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
Closet optimist

Defined by a realistic view

Of what would go wrong

Because

Murphy had a law

The plot of my life 

Never intended to break

I started out clean

Narrow 

And true

But somewhere 

A mudslide

Protruded across my

Bright

Crisp 

Map

I fell off a cliff

Broke both legs

Crawled up the embankment 

Nearly got ran over

I cried in the ambulance

That screeched to a stop

But the hospital turned me away

No money to pay

I fought in the alley

Behind the used car lot

I taught myself to walk again

Covered in callouses

The strongest across the front of my heart

I gave up on love

I didn’t have time 

It never tucked me in at night 

Only calling when the sun had been long gone

But then I looked around

I had everything I had lost

Only I was in a new place 

With better views 

And better sounds 

And better smells

Then 

There was you

And I have nothing to say about

You

Because I still am afraid

You’ll fade away

When I open my eyes

Because back before 

Before my life was nothing but struggle

But an attempt to survive

I felt like I was worth something

I felt like I deserved someone 

I felt I would find 

You

And here 

You 

Stand

In all of that hand-crafted perfection 

That exceeds all of the dreams of flawlessness I never had

Because my weakness is your strength 

I see clear blue eyes

As I attempt to understand

I don’t know how I got here

And I’ll never stop being

Blissfully surprised

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