Rubatosis

“Rubatosis: the unsettling awareness of your own heart beat” -John Koenig’s Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

I felt what you said
In the back of my throat

Swallowed it down

Coating the lining of my chest cavity

A vacancy appeared

A missing noise

Of

Thump thump

Thump thump

Thump thump

I wandered the streets

Looking for what had been lost

Stolen

Wrongly advertised as being for sale

Such a deal

Such a steal

A bargain times ten

But it was mine

And I want it back

I miss the cadence

That lulls me to sleep

Reminds me of feelings

That knocked me off of my feet

The way it remembered

In neon flashing lights

That faded behind the seaside’s mist

I knocked on every door

Put up signs

Asking

If it was found

Silence and odd looks were all that greeted

My desperate search

I needed that feeling

That pulsing in my veins

That movement under the skin

That circulation of life

My head began to hollow

My eyes slowly faded

My legs wobbled

My feet lost their grip

I landed limply in the snow

But I felt something soft that pulled me gently

With five fingers grasping politely

On my lifeless hand

You knelt next to me

Now slightly sitting

Whispered in my ear

“Here, darling, you dropped this

I’ve been trying to help

put it back into place”

I drank in your words

And heard the sweetest sound

Thump thump

Thump thump

Thump thump

Only the truest of loves would return

A heart

Still fully intact

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