Siblings

Experience life together

Existence is a gift 

Some didn’t get to have this

We were born alone

Or 

Our blood was lost at sea

The only person who will 

Know

What growing up was 

Making French toast 

Crying on carefully crafted quilts

Making books filled with stick figure lives

Being called less than you are

Skinning knees 

Winning awards

Hiking trails

Following road maps

Up 

Down 

All around

This life will toss and turn

But God gave you a person to know

The strength you have inside

So when your car

Is frozen 

On the side of the road

The air is dark

The moon is gone

Understanding is a phone call away

Don’t throw away this gift 

The best thing I ever gave you

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Could Have Been

Seeing fragments of reality

Dangerously piecing them together

Forced to fill in the cracks with false hope

Believing a perfect portrait could be completed

Am 

A

Fool

I only see it when it’s quiet

Which is rare

But it freezes time

Stretches it out 

Plays with it like pulling taffy

Memories

Bits and pieces

Over and over and over

Imagining what could have happened after 

In a perfect world 

In a utopian world

In a world that doesn’t exist

I torture myself with possibility

In a state no one wants to claim

The most pathetic state of all

I don’t know why

Having another person places us into a ranking of high regard

I suppose if no one loves us 

We are not deserving of love

Here I sit 

Pushing away suitable suitors 

In hope of something that is not solid that is not attainable that is not visible in this dimension 

I’ve brought this on myself 

But I don’t know why it’s you I can’t get off my mind when I’ve had men open doors 

Listen to my thoughts

Care what is going to happen next 

Am 

Fool

Craving empty texts 

And arms around my waste 

I loved the way 

You

Could have been

Intentions

8,324 things to do

My concrete wheels are spinning 

Mud is flinging

I wanted to turn the world inside out

Make it question how it came about

Turn intentions into actions that would stun the most jaded skeptic

Here I sit

Sewn to the leather that envelops my atrophied muscles

I am strong 

And my body viable

But today

After a week of

Answering questions

Deflecting anger

Guiding knowledge

Washing bodies

Feeding cells

Having empathy for window shopping souls

Driving to overly populated buildings

Transporting and molding brains that are fizzing with a desire to come to life

Bringing plots full circle 

And so so much more

I feel the world can wait

I feel tomorrow is another day

I feel a little empty 

In the most contradictory way

I will make it up in an hour when I pick up my flight at ten times the speed

I will shuffle dirty laundry

And read libraries of books

All in hopes of making the world a little less dim

I will do it

Not this very moment 

Not this second

Maybe not even today

But I will do it

Mysterious Ways

In between being invisible 

Thoughts fill my head

Crooked buildings with bending glass

An earth that is constantly spinning 

People around

Mixing ideas 

Stirring up feelings

Hiding under bridges that are crumbling

Radioactive merry-go-rounds are 

Transporting children

To school

Dreaming up ways 

To change trees 

That are rooted 

Deep

Deep

Deep

Into the frozen ground

Some of you have never seen the seasons change 

Pictures in a ski lodge

Are not lifetimes spent 

In barricaded basements 

Unable to trespass through the fallen snow

Being stuck with your own thoughts gives you introspective powers 

Maybe you experience this waiting for a wave

But I think 

A level of discomfort is needed 

To fully enter into the

Vast

Dark

Crevices of your morbidly oversimplified mind 

I hope you see something beautiful in something not perfectly smooth

I hope you look for imperfections as a sign of purity

I hope you don’t believe every lie disguised as indignation

I will watch you sit

Perfect and straight

Type your words like they have purpose

I’m sorry if my brows raise and my eyes question your purpose

My mind turns in mysterious ways

Substitute

Have you seen him

He paces

Marches

Stands in one place 

Repeat 

Contemplate

Repeat 

Contemplate

Pieces of lives he never lived

People he never loved

Taps his bony fingers

Ruffles his thick black hair

Mixing grays with ebony 

Eyes scanning 

Looking for a face

Soft and pastel 

Calm like the curls whispering across her neck

He runs towards a figure 

Hunts her down

Why does she run

He’s not himself

And she’s far too thin

It isn’t her at all

A poor doppelgänger

A sad excuse for her substitute 

She said she would whither away with him 

When both were young and soft

She wasn’t in his plan 

She wasn’t Grace Kelly

Not even Audrey Hepburn

How could he carry her into the light

But once she was gone

I mean 

Really gone

He realized what she lacked

A distaste for him he had grown to expect

A need for something more 

She was simple in such an extraordinary way

He didn’t bother to peel the layers away 

Until it was too late and she had ran 

Deep into the forest 

Never to be seen again

Now he follows her ghost 

She haunts his reality

Forms of Matter

Shooting stars are tempting when you’re on the ground

Once you catch them they sparkle and pop in your hand 

Not realizing the layers of skin being lost

Liquid is

Of course

The most powerful force

Adapting 

And changing shape

To overpower 

Any obstacle

Even dams break over time

You are a vapor

Reminding me of home

A place filled with smoke

From all of the fires started

Though they never quite burnt the place down

Boy did we try 

Throwing sticks and stones

And words that wouldn’t stick

Nobody wanted to visit open spaces filled with tension from what wasn’t being said

I was raised to be looking to what could be 

Which is toxic

Bringing us to the most dangerous state of matter

A solid

Like your heart

Polished granite

That’s a sight to see

But no one wants to lay their head on stone

I’ll back away slowly 

Knowing what I found

I would kiss you with hurricane force if you let me

We’ll both pretend you don’t know this

Let it dissipate into the air

Catching speed as the atmosphere thins

Bursting into flames 

It makes its way out into the limitless void of space collecting particles as it ignites into a blazing sun

One day it will fall

Shooting across the sky 

Some poor soul

Will try to catch it too

Milk and Honey

What happens when colors mix together

Do they lose themselves or become something more vibrant?

I don’t think I believe it anymore

I don’t buy into your words

I don’t hear your compliments

My narrowed eyes are not judging 

They are looking past you 

Through you

If I could ring out all of your lies

Like dirty water from fabric

I fear the shriveled version of you would be just as I suspected

A disappointment

It’s not even lies

It’s an absence 

An omission of anything that could be used to create a viable shape 

Like salt dissolving on the tongue

Your words are fleeting and the aftertaste is mistakenly remembered as something sweet

Or it would be

If I were still a silly girl 

Who hadn’t experienced looking up from the floor 

Smelling the padding beneath the dirty carpet

Realizing actions are intentions 

Just as a lack of action identifies a lack of intention

We know this

This is not profound

This is not new or a revelation or an accomplishment 

It is an acknowledgment of the power of our minds

Of our hearts

Of our cravings to feel

Something

To be felt

By someone

How complicated it has become 

When all we originally wanted was a loving glance and kiss on the forehead

That feels like an impossibility 

Now

In real time

In our current state of 

Simply 

Carrying 

On

Being

Existing

Breathing

The missing ingredient

Is honey

And what is milk without honey

Still Standing 

I’m glad for the taste of rain 

For an endless coast

That lets me drive 

Through my thoughts

That fester into wounds 

That can not be covered

I’m learning how to stitch them up

Let them air out

Heal over time 

I’m not as weak as my words

I just need a place to let the blood spill over 

Let the emotions exist

I stand in my stubborn isolation

I will not be used up as amusement

I will not be a friend that is only useful when the scenery is nice 

I’ve proven what I am capable of

I’ve just only recently been in belief of my worth 

I may sound defeated 

It is not an act 

Those words are simply the remnants of a scab from an open wound that is now healed

Next time you see me 

Looking straight into your eyes 

I am not questioning your intentions or expectations

I’m daring you to live up to mine

Adam’s Rib

Pieces of moments become superfluous 

As they disintegrate into dust

I have loved 

And loved 

And loved

When do we stop?

When does the novocaine we inject ourselves with afterwards 

Consume us 

Wanting people who never meant to want us

Maybe they never even had a fleeting thought of us while they were busy 

Locking sections of their lives into place 

A pretty face was a distraction

Must have known 

Foolishly creating virtual reality in your mind

Waking up

Laughing through sunlight peaking in to a room that was meant to stay in darkness

That image was never meant to be seen

That emotion was stolen from a piece of someone else’s rib

My solitude is comforted by lies of hope and justification

The truth is 

God never promised us soulmates

He just ripped bones from your body 

Used them to create a longing in me to find you

I still thirst to be complete

With fingerprints around my neck

I pray for forgiveness

As I don’t understand 

Seeing old women lost in their confusion of a fairytale lie that never came true 

Not even close

Not even loved

Not even once 

Not more than a minute at a time

He never even thought of her as he used bodies to fill a void meant to be her bridal bed

This is not a good place to dwell

I hate everything you never let me be

Hope Reborn


Heat on the skin 

Soaking into pores

Healing cracks deeper than the known layers

Lines form from the confidence of what has been achieved

What mountains have been climbed 

What land has been reclaimed

No longer a wandering nomad 

This home will be shaken 

But its now reinforced walls will not fall down

Sound your trumpets and raise your hands

A solitary victory is something to cling to

It is exhausting in a way that is unexplainable to nourished souls

Learning the taste of something beyond survival

Your extended hand is no longer necessary to my existence

But I will gladly hold on to your friendly gesture as a sign of hope in a humanity that has not yet turned its back on what it is to be

A privilege to interact 

An observance of beauty 

A duty to peace and love

I will hold on to the feeling of today’s warm sun