Night Drive


I’ve stopped expecting

That’s what I tell my mind

But it’s not true

Footprints in the sand

Leaving uneven marks

Tiny invisible ruts formed by the tears

That have sketched out my eyes

I form them alone

When unseen 

It isn’t becoming to let yourself go

Always composed

Standing straight

Hands folded

“Please” and “thank you”s

For being rejected
I saw you here once

But my mind lets you follow me all of the time

I’m waiting for a man to rush you out of my thoughts

But all I’ve met are boys that pretend not to lie

Their disappointed smiles

Turn into snarls

As they show their teeth 

Saying things their grandmother never heard

And a lady never should

But I’m no lady 

I am an isolated, unwanted daughter who keeps a cupboard of my own

The Wild West has no laws 

So they break every promise never given

Betray every word never spoken
I’ll tell you what I don’t deserve

Your face in my head

Your voice in my ear

Your memories in my heart

I beat them out with every pulse of my veins

I will not be the receptacle for your overflowing rage that is fueled from never being good enough

I was the only one who would have ever let you be all that there was 

Maybe that’s why you hated me

Maybe that’s why I loved you

Never supposed to

Never meant to

Never tried to

Love comes naturally to me when given what I know

Indifference

Dissatisfaction 

Disgust

But I pulled aside those leaves

And I read that inscription

You loved pieces of me

But never took the time to place them all together
I’ll do what I do

Walk

One foot in front of the other

Balancing on loose gravel

Until someone drives by 

Stopping to offer a ride

I’ll politely accept 

Then listen to them explain 

How cruel the world is

As they sharpen their knife

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