Dating a Mutant

Rotting in the deep tissue

Mutated cells

Hell-bent on making things fall apart

Not the right words

More like violently tearing the fibers from their roots

Splitting apart is too easy

I have to take something with potential

Dip it in Mercury 

Inhale for twelve hours hating the smell 

Until my chest caves in

This is not normal

And it causes disdain

Deservedly so

As I have never met a man I can trust

Or at least I’ve not been able to see beyond his hate for what I am

A damaged female carrier

For feminist fueled independence 

From needing him

Or the relationship 

Or love

Because “when I need you; I need it quickly” 

And needing something like that is corrosive and is what led to these 

Termite infested bones 

That crackle as they rub against each other 

Bending in unnatural directions

Trying to overcompensate for insecurities that were fed to me as specially blended formula in my bottle as an infant resting in shaky arms

Who knows what is really causing this mess

But I can’t let your desire for me go untested 

And the results always come back broken

Because the participant refused the test

It could be the way we date; shuffling each other around, keeping possibilities in our contact list just in case

Or it could be me

Being too unsure of what it is I can offer to another living creature when I need so much in return

Return to the home I have built in this stump of a big, mighty tree 

Relating to the power he once had 

The majesty that was cut short


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