Never Existed


Words washing up on shore

Telling a story I never wanted to be a part of

Playing with fire

And getting burned

I tried to cut the power off

But the sparks kept flying over my head

Filling up what was left with water

carrying it to the gate and leaving it with a note

Warning that the contents were corrosive as they ate through the metal 

Seeping into the soil

A radioactive tree grows from my naval

Its roots are piercing into essential organs

Complications from the event will cause my death

I would leave you with a whisper

But your face won’t be seen here again

Like a ghost in a beautiful dream

You never existed

I would pull you from my thoughts if I saw you again

But the most frightening part is

I’ll never again speak your name

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Understanding 


I don’t understand not being able to remember what it feels like to have your Heart carved with violent dedication

Just to be put back up on the shelf 

I don’t understand being able to touch something with your own fingertips and not know how it feels

I don’t understand how avoiding something that makes you happy can be essential to your success in life

I don’t understand how making something so special so meaningless can be part of being an adult

Aren’t we supposed to be learning as we age?

Aren’t we supposed to be making things better?

Instead we’re taking our new found freedom of making our own choices and throwing it on the busy street 

Seeing what parts make it out alive

We will destroy our own lives

I just don’t understand

I’ve said it before

But all I’ve wanted to do 

Is love just one man

Chin Up


I’m not who they think I should be

I’m not who they want

But you love to go for walks

And you always kiss me good morning

I see you watching me as I braid my hair

You seem amazed

I watch you as you say “Hello” to the flowers
Silly big trucks going back and forth 

We don’t seem take in the little things nearly enough
Rush rush rush

Passing money around

More and more

We don’t want to be bothered by little minds that are asking “why” and “how come”
Thank God you’re here

To remind us of all the colors in the rainbow

How many monkeys were jumping on the bed

And why it is we need to eat porridge that is “juuuust right”
Keep your chin up little one

Never let them tear you down

They’ll try and squeeze you into a more manageable box

They’ll tell you not to dream 

But I want to see those thoughts in your head

That’s what gives me my reason to breathe

Smother Out the Love


Turning off

Flipping auto-pilot on

So I gave this a shot

And I was shot down

Hiding in a bunker

I rushed into my optimism

Becoming superstitious with numbers

And believing kisses were giving me promises

Forgetting this is not Neverland

And adults don’t play for keeps

They use their toys until they break

Then pass them down the line

They lie and say pretty words just to get what they want

No longer allowed to pout or throw tantrums

They simply hide their intentions and master the art of manipulation

They convince their victim that it was known what was going on all along

But truly 

Honestly

Naively 

I always thought more was being felt than what you let on

We are taught

That boys who pull at our braids 

Like us the most

Well you ripped the hair from their roots

Surely that must have been a sign

I’ll leave you 

I’ll forget you

I’ll be a grown up too

But from time to time 

When I remember laughing 

My head on your chest

I’ll hate you a little more

Smother out the love 

Adieu


I shouldn’t write at this moment

I could incinerate the earth

Not sure if it is you or myself I hate more

But I know we are both on the list 

I would have buried myself for your approval

But instead, you wanted to watch me burn

And how those ashes did soar

To the clouds that wept when they saw what 

You had done to the precious gift that was sent down to you

If only the love could be seen that is fueled with the same passion as this hate

The love that wants to simply pour itself 

Onto your tired eyes 

And dance beside your longing fingertips

But that can not be done

For you always believe you deserve better

Dollars signs instead of common sense

A girl of course not a woman

Someone that would be an image 

To make a statement

Not to simply stand for love and the beauty that it so innocently carries with all the selflessness that created it

No

For you this will not do

This is not the perfectly aligned life you have been creating

Baggage and offspring 

I am lower than the ring left on your oak table 

I hope you never get those muddy tracks out of your white carpet

I know you won’t forget the lips that you begged to kiss 

Or the other things you pretended not to love

Where She Belongs


Like flying off of a cliff with a broken wing

That will never fully heal

She knows her fate

She’s been comforted 

Someone for everyone

Forever and ever

Amen

But words that are spoken

Even believed

Are not always true

She knows this

As she looks strangers in the eye

Feeling that she has always been separated

Unable to fully connect

Beyond the plastic covered surface

No, she will be alone

Even when temporarily coupled

She will be isolated

Someday fading into the absence of light 

Where she belongs

So her love can finally shine

Salt


She wanted to tell you 

Words dripping with salt

Sometimes they burn

Sometimes they preserve

Scabs on her knees healed over

And over

Again

Until they were calloused

And did not feel

As she dropped to the ground

Lifeless arms

Quiet eyes

Burning thoughts

Floating away

Her arms felt like weights

Her face narrowed like crosshairs

Focused on the lack of response 

You threw out over the water

That was no longer calm

As it swallowed her sinking ship

She’ll talk to you in your dreams

When you remember how you meant to feel 

Summer Boogie


Cowabunga 

Guacamole 

Tomatoes

Strawberries

Watermelon

Neon pink

Stripes lining the inside

Licking ice cream cones

Too big for our eyes

Heat 

And sand

Boogie 

On that wave

Until it swallows you alive

Call it summer

Make it mine

Hoping for a kiss

Satisfied with the caress of the sun

Stronger with a tan line

That reminds us of the fun

Freckles

Spots of pride

Take your time

The heat requires patience 

And loves to watch you try

Meet my glance

Jump off the pier

Make it count

Best time of the year

Ultimatum 


Thinking everything was okay

Thoughtful

Kind

Generous

When asked if he could stop looking for more

He seemed astounded that she would ask

It wasn’t time for that

He was willing to combine accounts

Discuss having children

Text her at morning and at night

But he couldn’t give up the possibility 

Still searching 

Just in case

He refused to let it become an ultimatum 

But the thing about women is

They don’t mean to give ultimatums

They don’t want to give 

“All or nothing”

Statements

But they know how they themselves work

From the inside out

She was offering an instruction manual

He called it “being controlling”

An agreement may have been made that it was okay

For him to look until he naturally didn’t want to

But she had moved on

Slowly 

like a caterpillar

Wrapping itself in a cocoon

Unable to believe he could offer anymore

Even though she tried to still want him

The heart switched off

When he noticed she was gone

He blamed baggage from the past

She let you 

And she slept

Rising up anew

With rainbow dusted wings

Waiting for someone to see her

Appreciate her

And believe she was enough

Without needing to keep looking for more

So Much So

I know what 

“I hate you” 

Meant and it kills me

That your silent

Because of what 

You pretend not to feel

Maybe that made it real

But your hovering is still 

Stuck in my mind

Watching my expression

As if saving it for later

I would build you a house

In a tree

Just to kiss you 

Under the stars

But only if I knew 

You wouldn’t run away 

Once the light slithered in 

Like a brutal reminder of who we are 

And who we aren’t 

I stand their brutally honest

Staring up with honest eyes

You have to look away

Because you’ve started to “hate” me again

I reply

“I hate you too”

Like the earth hates the sun

Which is why 

It won’t stop circling its light

Forever content to feel the distant 

Touch of its heat

So much so

That it formed an atmosphere 

To hold on to it

Never willing to let it go