Father’s Day

I wish I could say 

I remember good

Over bad

But the times I sat on your knee 

My mind was not yet crowded 

And had room for little memories

Like getting ice cream

Steering the car 

And making pancakes

Early in the Saturday sunlight 

Then the truth started to set in

Playing a role 

Passing the time 

Waiting for eighteen

So you wouldn’t feel you were committing a crime

By leaving me far behind

The sin you committed was most definitely stamped across my ribcage 

As it made it hard to breathe

And hard to see men for who they were 

As I tried to fill that void of paternal acceptance

With men pretending to love

Punching fists through windshields

But that couldn’t be traced back to you

Your job was done

A father is not a father once his daughter is eighteen 

And her life becomes easy 

Any burdens are hers to bare

 And bare alone

“Don’t be so pathetic acting like you need daddy’s hand”

Is what you said

So today is for you 

For being a shadow that turned into a ghost

For if it weren’t for you

The half of me that feels empty 

Wouldn’t see the whole of me

In the reflection of the glass door 

That refuses to open

Because the sensors don’t pick up Transparent souls that don’t feel anymore


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