I wish I could say
I remember good
Over bad
But the times I sat on your knee
My mind was not yet crowded
And had room for little memories
Like getting ice cream
Steering the car
And making pancakes
Early in the Saturday sunlight
Then the truth started to set in
Playing a role
Passing the time
Waiting for eighteen
So you wouldn’t feel you were committing a crime
By leaving me far behind
The sin you committed was most definitely stamped across my ribcage
As it made it hard to breathe
And hard to see men for who they were
As I tried to fill that void of paternal acceptance
With men pretending to love
Punching fists through windshields
But that couldn’t be traced back to you
Your job was done
A father is not a father once his daughter is eighteen
And her life becomes easy
Any burdens are hers to bare
And bare alone
“Don’t be so pathetic acting like you need daddy’s hand”
Is what you said
So today is for you
For being a shadow that turned into a ghost
For if it weren’t for you
The half of me that feels empty
Wouldn’t see the whole of me
In the reflection of the glass door
That refuses to open
Because the sensors don’t pick up Transparent souls that don’t feel anymore
