In the Rain Clouds


I could cry for a week
Letting this all out

Emotions pinging around 

My body denting the sides 

Before slipping out my eyes 

As crinkled lines

I’ve been through this before

But my spirit is older and faded

I don’t know how to keep this going

I’m pushing everyone away

Making room for the crash

But I wanted to be watching with a room full 

Of friends

Maybe next year

I’ve been saying that for 12 years 

12 years of devastation

But next year will be better

I know these thoughts

Act like quicksand

Pulling me down in my grief

And even less attractive

Self pity 

but my muscles are weak 

And I’ve been alone too long

It’s hard to remember 

How to focus on the good

When you’ve been nailed to a chair

Forced to watch the past on a twisted VHS

By a sickened mind that is tired of finding

A solution in the smog of impossibility

Words from people who think they know the way 

Only makes it worse when they offer 

False advice then claw at me for not chasing it off a cliff

Sorry I’ve been that way

The only way it leads is down

I know your tired of watching me drown

But imagine how these lungs feel 

Full of sand from the sea

Emphysema never felt so good as when you’re 

Sitting on the edge of a cliff looking down 

Summer is here and it’s stroking my hair

Maybe it will pull me out of this cave

But what happens when it fades?  

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