Homecoming

How can I write you a story you’ve never heard

Folding corners

Into boxes

I let all of them

Fill up my head

With their thoughts

And desires

Leaving myself

Little more

Than dead

I finally saw a sunset today

I saw it

I chased it down

I dissected it

Into colonies

Of yellow

And orange

It was too much

To take in

All at once

I fell down

Then I carried you

Images

Of what I tore

Down

My eyes looked at you

With confidence

A different source of energy

Created their light

The crime persisted

The streets unsafe

Yet

Somehow

A smile couldn’t be wiped off my face

I found her

That girl who at just seventeen

Knew who she was

And what she would be

She strayed for a bit

Being blindfolded and bamboozled

Now here she was

In full colored glory

Don’t mistake this pride for vanity

When a heart wrenching glance

Has been carved into place through bone

You stand back and appreciate

A lost soul has come home

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Dirt in Between

Thank you for loving me for as much as my body was worth

Thank you for helping me to see how strong I was when you decided real life was too much

Thank you for giving me the only parts of you I’d ever want to keep

Thank you for giving me bruises that help me to lift others up

Thank you for helping me to realize not everyone wants to rise up

You and I lit up the shoreline like rockstars

But it was after dark your open hands began to close

You found someone who was told

Their worth was less than anyone else’s

You loved that

And you broke the glass

I knew

But I hoped

I hoped

And I fought

I fought

And I lost

And I lost

And I lost

You didn’t change

Now I send out a beacon

Young girls

Don’t fix him

Assembly shouldn’t be part of the game

I don’t regret the whole story

I love what you left

Broken pieces make beautiful mosaics

Your name won’t be credited

But I’ll remember who you were

As I leave your memory

Mixed in

With the dirt

In between

Unexpected Laughter

I have a story

I want you to listen

You’ll know why

Once the sounds filter through

It won’t make sense

Not right away

But the moment you gasp

A smile is on its way

Out of delight

From the horror

The pill

You swallowed down

Almost overlooked

You didn’t foresee this

But you’ll be content once

The plan is carried out

The best laughter

Is given

With the most hesitation

That’s why I loved you

You never gave me

Anything I didn’t deserve

I mean

You dumped me out

With your dirty dishwater

But I was never yours

You were never mine

What else could two people possibly do?

Salt

Trying to capture optimism

Pain keeps oozing through

Shamed by what people want to see

These words are not mine or yours

They are oxygen and carbon dioxide

Being pushed out

From the bottom

Of tired lungs

Needing to be felt

By more than their carrier

Because all of us are real

The offense is not limited

For when one of us has been assaulted

It is felt for generations

Drops of blood

Upon drops of blood

There’s a lack of compassion

Spreading up the hills

It has almost made it to the sea

Where it will be extinguished

By salt

Only after destroying

Every home in its path

I can tolerate

An ignorant slur

But I can’t understand

A knowledgeable disregard

For people struggling to lift their heads above the pollution

To gasp for unblemished air

It isn’t right

To see superiority

In a birth upon privileged ground

Last time I checked

We were parasites

On a spinning planet

That some creature far away

Doesn’t know exists

So when we push someone

Under the pressure of our moving axil

What a strange thing to do

On a speck of dust

Floating through nothing

All anyone wants is to be accepted

Why is that so hard to do?

Funeral Pyre

Coming up from the valley

Carrying torn garments in both hands

I was never rescued

But I devastated my captors

With a dedication to righteous indignation

I will not call it pride

Having been victim to the counterattack

Of her deceptive name

I call it a dedication to conviction

A need to do what is ultimately right

Not according to the state or the church

But the knowledge of what is

And what is not

According to genes passed down

By inevitably flawed beings

Who lived

And learned

And cried upon wrinkled sheets

Knowing death was always

Their final court-appointed sentence

Be it an end to what was right or perversely evil

I’ve been told to let go of the past

I’ve been told to let go of my passion

That causes my voice to rise from a feminine whisper to a masculine yell

Influencing you to see my face in distorted shapes

Instead of the angelic figure you want to control

I will not be placed behind glass

Like before

I will not let my emotions follow the deep grooves in your brain

Twisting and mutating me into what you think

Instead of what exists

I am building my own funeral pyre

To celebrate a life still being lived

A desire still very much alive

A hunger still growing in ventricles

Of an organ overworked

Under-supported

No longer chasing the sunlight

Knowing it will return each day

To celebrate the angles of my god-given face

In purest resignation to all that is good

I want happiness for myself

And above all

For those who have broken my spirit more than once

Knowing this feeling will come and go

Today I am content

With repetition in thought

This feeling will spread

My eyes fill up with a youth they have never known

A forgiveness for all of the wrong

A sip from the bottom of the cup

Before offering what is left

To a boy who broke my heart

More than one time

Normal

Hands and knees

Searching for glass

To crush into palms

So the skin is soft

If it isn’t broken

It can’t be real

If it isn’t hurting

It can’t be felt

Starting to sense that the gauges are off

Happiness doesn’t register

It’s been cloudy too long

Mourning a loss of connection

To a normal life

Solitude is consuming

Solitude is life

Faking normalcy

Hoping they’ll let me back in

Love to Laugh

Flower petal friends

Lasted for a season

Picked them one by one

Only to have them blow away

They left the comfort of my memories

Fell into a festering storm

Gathering insecurities

Started blaming shadows for following my feet

I’m trying to come down

From a helium filled frenzy

Learning to accept outstretched hands as earnest offerings of support

Having done most of the labor myself

I dug myself out of tightly packed soil

Placed six feet deep

First by sisters I chose

Then by lovers I would have never left

Back to the present

Resisting looking back

Knowing the bitter taste of salty pillars

Differentiating between friend and foe

Eyes slightly slanted

Over-calculating every movement

Determining if harm is your action

Intended or not

I’ve tried building castles in solitude

Finally got it right

But empty castles are boring

And they leave a want for interaction

Companions to run their fingers along stony walls

Training my unsteady hands to fake precision

I love to laugh

Let’s discover that sound together

Affection

Cover my eyes

With love

Rose petals on lashes

Send me out to sea

I can’t kiss your feet

Any longer

Hoping to gain an ounce

Of affection

My love is here waiting

But it wilts from a lack of affection

You have it

Everything you crave

Scared it might force its way inside

Your complicated mind

You pull me in

I pull away

Wanting to be more than flesh

Upon flesh

Wanting to be what you are to me

Knowing you can’t see

Passed your grand plans

Today I’ll rest

Tomorrow I’ll plan

It will be hard to find me once I’m gone

A Piece of Your Cage

I call it back to me

Every time

That lost feeling you wash from your hands

After I’ve gone

After you’re not planning on having me back

But like plaque on calloused bone

You can’t scrub it clean

You need to breathe in my presence

Lay us both down

Bare

You need to press lips against skin

Because you think about it

When you don’t reply

When you don’t want to be annoyed

When you don’t

When you don’t

When you don’t

You still do

A piece of your cage

Swiping through strangers

Pretending they are free

But my greatest fear

You’ll find someone who fits

Not quite like me

In a convenient way

She won’t make you

Like I do

But she’ll take your marker

And check your boxes

Shaking my head

Knowing what we could have been

Geronimo

And all the rest

I glide through this life

Always full speed ahead